What to Know About Meeting Parents in an Interracial Romance

Mar 26, 2018

Meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time can be a stressful experience. Your partner may reassure you that their parents are “cool” and that they’re not opposed to the relationship, nor do they care about the race issue. Still, it’s fairly common to discover that even among civilized people there are still misunderstandings and misconceptions that do occur. Learning some of the most common questions and statements asked, and why they are cringe-worthy, may help you learn how to better plan for the first meeting and make sure it goes well. Here are a few tips to consider.

1.Talk at length with your partner so you can learn what each parent is like.

Your partner can explain their parents’ unique conversation styles and what to expect. They can also give you advice on how to talk to them, how to draw them out in conversation, and how to bond with them on a favorite subject.

2.Don’t bring up the race issue unless they insist on it.

The more of a deal you make out of it, the more awkward it will be. Remember that some parents and family members will pride themselves on not saying anything, which to them, shows that they have no objections to an interracial relationship. They probably consider this the polite thing to do…just don’t be surprised if they give you funny looks or become nervous in your presence. Reassure them with a laid back and comfortable attitude that you are happy to meet them and do want to get along with everybody.

3.Always give them the benefit of the doubt.

Remember that it usually takes a few good meetings before you start to trust each other. Giving them the benefit of the doubt means you don’t rush to offense, you don’t over-analyze insinuations, and you forgive statements or questions that seem a little rude or awkward. It’s certainly what you would do during a job interview—and loving your partner’s family is just as important! On the other hand, accusing someone of being bigoted because they don’t seem to agree with you on a subject, is needlessly creating conflict and not peace.

4.Remember to reassure parents who seem nervous or concerned for their son or daughter.

All they really want is reassurance and you can give it to them without jumping on the defensive. Many parents are simply suspicious of anyone dating their daughter. Their first instinct is to be protective. They may wonder what the attraction is and why their son or daughter is pursuing someone who seems so “opposite” from the traditional family. In short, they’re worried like parents…race is a side issue, if an issue at all. Letting them know that you really care about your partner and would never hurt them is a good start in building trust.

5.Let your parents meet your friends and the partner’s family.

Creating a “support group” of your friends and family members is a good way to bring positive energy into a conversation with your partner’s parents. They will sense that everyone around you is comfortable, rooting for you two to get married and be happy, and that you really do belong together. This will give them confidence to start being more open and reassuring when talking you. Remember these tips next time when it’s time to meet the parents and make a great first impression!