Non-sexual Male/female bonding...possible or just a fantasy?. Friendship Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Nov 30, 2005 at 08:17 AM


    Yes it's possible for men amd women to be friends.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 03, 2005 at 05:33 PM


    Well, I have several female friends. One whom just got married and had a baby. We get along very well. I tend to rleate to females better sometimes because I'm somewhat of a gentle passionate person so the majority of my friends end up being female. There have been one or two to whom there was a physical attraction early on but since then they are close more like sisters and it is creepy to even think about anything physical happening.

    So, yes, this is possible.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 02, 2005 at 09:38 AM


    Well, a lot of men never really mature and are still looking to please their egos until their last day of their lives. And the same applies to many women.

    But as you said, Caramel, you have "very few male friends who didn't try to get s*xual at some point"; for the sake of those few, don't lose hope on men as friends. It's always a good thing to be careful, though.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 02, 2005 at 09:31 AM


    locura2000 write:
    you are 100% correct males and females can be friends and nothing more. neither one has to be gay, just mature enough to realize that freindships are important also. good luck in your life and i'm glad God brought you a good friend.


    I'd like to believe this, I really would. I cherish my friendships with both males and females. I've had plenty of male friends and have wanted to just keep it on a friendship level. But it seems men will often tell you they respect your wishes but let their hormones get the best of them and keep coming on to you anyway. I've had very few male friends who didn't try to get s*xual at some point. And for me this has been true with guys as young as twenty to mid-forties. I'm not convinced maturity really has too much to do with it.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 29, 2005 at 11:11 PM


    Yes, jan03, I have had that kind of relationship before and I have it now. Just recently I moved back to Boston to return to school and ran into two ladies that I used to go out with when I was in grad school. Now, they live together as a couple and when I was at their home I felt very comfortable. I was at home and it was easy to talk and exchange ideals and just be myself. To be friends and I mean good friends, there has to be an honest exchange. Say what you think without worry about the reaction of who ever you are talking to. It feels good to be able to do that and receive the same when someone is speaking to you. I really care about this relationship I have with the ladies and I want it to continue and grow. jlaus52
    Yes, jan03, I have had that kind of relationship before and I have it now. Just recently I moved back to Boston to return to school and ran into two ladies that I used to go out with when I was in grad school. Now, they live together as a couple and when I was at their home I felt very comfortable. I was at home and it was easy to talk and exchange ideals and just be myself. To be friends and I mean good friends, there has to be an honest exchange. Say what you think without worry about the reaction of who ever you are talking to. It feels good to be able to do that and receive the same when someone is speaking to you. I really care about this relationship I have with the ladies and I want it to continue and grow. jlaus52

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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 28, 2005 at 12:14 PM


    you are 100% correct males and females can be friends and nothing more. neither one has to be gay, just mature enough to realize that freindships are important also. good luck in your life and i'm glad God brought you a good friend.
    you are 100% correct males and females can be friends and nothing more. neither one has to be gay, just mature enough to realize that freindships are important also. good luck in your life and i'm glad God brought you a good friend.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 24, 2005 at 05:09 AM


    I have a male friend of about 25 years. There always has been some sexual attraction but our timing has always su*ked for that...i.e. he's been married when I was single and vise versa.
    And like Loners example, he lives a distance from me. It's great, though, to have someone of the opposite s*x, who knows you well, and whom you can bounce those questions about men off of!
    I have a male friend of about 25 years. There always has been some sexual attraction but our timing has always su*ked for that...i.e. he's been married when I was single and vise versa.
    And like Loners example, he lives a distance from me. It's great, though, to have someone of the opposite s*x, who knows you well, and whom you can bounce those questions about men off of!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 22, 2005 at 12:10 PM


    LuckoftheAngler wrote:
    Maybe its one person wants more and the other does not or is not sure. So they agree not to take the risk.
    That's usually the case.

    Also, sometimes a friend turns interesting after a bad breakup, what is called a rebound.

    When two people get in a rebound relationship, often the one who just ended the other relationship is going through a vulnerable period.

    So whatever happens during the "rebound" is going to have huge emotional consequences for that person. So, if they were friends before they embarked into the "rebound," the friendship may end (or never be the same) afterwards.

    Another one is that a friend knows you well. She may be attracted to you, but she's also realized you're not the person with whom to share her life. So you two could get into a relationship where you expect it to last forever, while she knows it's only to have some fun for a while.

    By the time it has to end, she's ready for it to end, but you're already in love and you make a pest of yourself, and the friendship is ruined. Of course it can work both ways, and it may be the guy who realizes the relationship is not going to last from day one, and she the one who makes a pest of herself and ruins it.

    That's why it's often better to keep a good friendship as just that. I guess it depends on how adventurous both parties are, too.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 21, 2005 at 11:00 AM


    I do not understand "its not worth risking the friendship". Wouldn't a truly great friendship survive anything, including a physical/romantic relationship that does not work out.

    If two people are truly great friends and they decide that there is also a physical connection why wouldn't they take the chance to have even more. Is there no going back. Isn't having more better then status quo? Maybe its one person wants more and the other does not or is not sure. So they agree not to take the risk.
    I do believe that a man and a woman can be great friends, best friends without having a romantic relationship. I do not understand the concept of not taking a risk to have even more.
    I do not understand "its not worth risking the friendship". Wouldn't a truly great friendship survive anything, including a physical/romantic relationship that does not work out.

    If two people are truly great friends and they decide that there is also a physical connection why wouldn't they take the chance to have even more. Is there no going back. Isn't having more better then status quo? Maybe its one person wants more and the other does not or is not sure. So they agree not to take the risk.
    I do believe that a man and a woman can be great friends, best friends without having a romantic relationship. I do not understand the concept of not taking a risk to have even more.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 21, 2005 at 06:37 AM


    I have to agree wih Phea. It is a lot easier for me to have a platonic friendship with a women who I don't find physically attractive.

    I don't have alot of female friends for this very reason, if they are hot, I will want to have s*x with them. That's just how I am. Even if it doesn't happen, the thought is constantly in the back of my mind.

    To be fair, I do let them know what is on my mind.
    I have to agree wih Phea. It is a lot easier for me to have a platonic friendship with a women who I don't find physically attractive.

    I don't have alot of female friends for this very reason, if they are hot, I will want to have s*x with them. That's just how I am. Even if it doesn't happen, the thought is constantly in the back of my mind.

    To be fair, I do let them know what is on my mind.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 17, 2005 at 08:59 AM


    I found this topic interesting. I'm going through college now and have been taking in roommates to help me pay my mortgage so I don't have to work full-time. So, far both of my roommates have been single males with whom I lived for six months or more and gotten along with pretty well. But nothing ever happened. I sometimes go out to the clubs in Orlando on Friday and Saturday nights with my current roommate and we drink and dance and have a good time. We even took a trip to Disney World and hung out at Magic Kingdom all day. But our relationship has remained on the level of friendship. Why? He'll be moving out eventually and I'm simply not interested in a casual s*x relationship with anybody. I'd rather be single forever than to have that.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 17, 2005 at 01:18 AM


    Yes, that's one thing that truly bothers me: why when a woman marries, her male friends become "out of limits," but *his* female friends can still hang around and are supposed to become *her* friends too?

    Argghhh....
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 16, 2005 at 07:52 AM


    Before I met my ex-husband I had a few good male friends. I had to give them up because of my ex and that was the worse thing to do.
    His mother kept on telling me, when you are married you are not allowed to have male friends.
    MY mother told me I never should have give them up and I totally agree with her.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 15, 2005 at 01:01 AM


    I think the apparent disparity of the comments has to do more with communication styles. To me, both groups appear to be saying the same:

    - A friendship, and even a close one is perfectly possible.

    - It can evolve into something more in some cases.

    - In most, the friendship is so good that it's not worth to risk it.

    - There is a sort of attraction between two people who are close friends, but it doesn't have to be se'xual.

    All those things are basically common sense. I think perhaps having a close man/woman friendship may be difficult during adolescence, when hormones are raging and people don't seem to have much control over their emotions.

    But between two adults, I don't see why not. If one finds himself or herself attracting the other too much, it's not that hard to push the other person away, to mark certain emotional boundaries. An adult should be able to do so without hurting the other person, who hopefully is also an adult, which means s/he is not going to get hurt by a good dose of prophylactic honesty.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 14, 2005 at 05:55 PM


    Jan - there can be a platonic relation. Just remember what the guy is really thinking.

    ps: watch the movie 'When Harry met Sally'
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 14, 2005 at 11:48 AM


    Looks like my reply disappeared.

    Of course it is possible, most of my friends have been women. We have sung together, cried together and even gotten all incomprehensibly crazy together (just to drive other people nuts, lol). I've always had a lot more fun with women, and I understand women(!!!) a lot better than I understand men, at least in the average (and therein lies my error, some guys would say: men are just not supposed to understand women!).

    However, friendship itself is based on attraction. It's not uncommon for a friendship to walk that narrow line between close friendship and romance. Which doesn't mean one or the other is going to jump the gun and try to move the relationship into uncharted territory. No, many people become such great friends that they feel the friendship could be ruined by becoming lovers and, in that case, it's better to let it stay as just that.

    But the point is this (and this must be not great mystery to anyone): if a man and a woman become very close friends, there *must* be a strong attraction between them. Similar values, similar intellect, beliefs, ethical system, choices, etc. Which doesn't mean such attraction is going to become se'xual.

    But it means they can find themselves walking the thin line time and time again. But, hey, there is *nothing* wrong with that. And 'dating' a close, dear friend is one of the most fun experiences one can have in life.

    A word of warning, though: when a close friend of the other se'x has a breakup, it may come almost naturally to their mind to push your relationship to another level. Bad idea, nothing like playing rebound to kill a good friendship.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 13, 2005 at 09:17 PM


    I am 38 and my BEST friend of more than 17 years is a male and we met during our "hottest" years so to speak.
    We are not intimate and we are very close. He is included at ALL my family functions and I at all of his.

    I don't know where I would be without his perspective and I expect a number of my boyfriends would have suffered more were it not for him telling me when I was being unreasonable and why.

    He is also a good relationship tester. We have both left people that could not trust us to speak - though we included our spouses and never met alone except in public out of respect for our relationships. He will likley be my Man of Honour....if I ever get married. :)

    I am glad this world works this way as I have always had trouble making female friends....my interests tend to the masculine. (cars, boxing and football!)
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 13, 2005 at 07:43 PM


    Jan:

    There seems to be two schools of thought on this one. First school of thought doesn't believe that a man and a woman can be "just friends."
    The second school of thought believes that it is possible.
    Personally, I think it's possible, but it depends. On what, you may be wondering. Oh, on things like closeness in age and interest, physical attraction, chemistry.
    I find it much easier to be just friends with someone that I may not have a physical attraction to, as opposed to someone who was exceptionally attractive. In that case, all sorts of possibilities starts to enter my mind.
    You didn't say whether or not you were attracted to your friend, because if you are(considering how close the two of you are)this is an excellent recipe for a "romantic relationship. You did say that he isn't gay.
    Again I will say, yes it's possible to have a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite s*x, but the ever present chance of something more happening is often lurking, and waiting for the opportunity to present itself.
    I have had platonic relationships with women, but it was always with women that I never would look at in a romantic sense, but only as friends.
    Just my 2 pesos.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 13, 2005 at 05:30 PM


    Jan - if the guy is married he better not be after you. And in this case I would agree. But otherwise?

    I could see myself being your friend, and confidante. I want a woman younger as I want children so couldn't see it working with you. But if I was your friend and there was a chance? Damn right I would want to get down and dirty with you. I mean, you are hot. So why not?

    Of course I would still want to remain friends after this.

    Am I so different from most guys? I don't think so. I am just honest enough to admit it.

    ps: please remember - this is only if BOTH parties are single.
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