why some people lie about their income? why they lie about income Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 13, 2005 at 11:37 PM


    This is really weird cause the PTB totally deleted my really nice reply to Phea's mini-novel... ????
    After reading the responces on this forum, I have changed my mind on salary. If a wonderful man comes along that is actually interested in me, than me being on a student's pay shouldn't be the deciding factor. thanks guys for all your postings on this subject. I am ever learning new stuff here.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 09, 2005 at 05:16 PM



    SugerandSpice write:
    Now that I am back in college and living within a student's income,I wonder if this can be a turn-off for some men who are looking to 'match' their incomes. So, instead of lying, I just leave the salary blank and state my job as "student" in the hopes my potential soulmate understands the payoff is down the road.



    You made a good point on the topic of incomes and relationships.
    When it comes to women and incomes, there are some "new realities" that didn't exist 20-30 years ago. And that reality is that there are many women who are earning more money than men(I realize that on a national average, men generally earn more money than women). And this new reality can cause problems in a relationship, because men are often intimidated by a woman who earns more money. We have to remember that traditionally, men have been seen as the primary bread winner in the household. He was expected to not only support himself, but also his spouse and children, and for many years, that was a way of life. In the past, the only job that most women had was being a house wife and mother. However, during WWII, things changed as large numbers of women were being called into the work force to aid in the war effort. So...these women who previous didn't have paying jobs, now had them(few things are as liberating as earning your own money)and it felt awfully good not to depend on a man for financial support. When the war ended, a lot of these women had little desire to go home to become housewives again, and the rest, as they say, is history. OK, lets fast forward to 2005. Our U.S. economy and the world economies of scale are undergoing paradigms of cataclysmic proportions. In other words, job markets are shrinking.
    A man who enjoyed earning a nice wage or salary in the past may find himself having to settle for far less money. Whew!!! Am I long winded or what! Ohhhh! There is a good chance that a man's wife could earn quite a bit more annual income than he does. This should not really be a problem unless a spouse or would be spouse makes it so. If I were married, and my wife earns a greater income than me, I would see it as a good thing for the household. But every man is different in his outlook(as is every woman).
    Now...how does this affect you women earning large salaries
    who are posting your profiles on this site? Of course, there are no definitive answers. Yes you could leave the "salary" portion of the profile blank, and when you meet a man who is truly worthy of you, then, and only then, can you spring it on him, and wait to see how he feels about it.
    I personally don't believe that one's income should be a big factor in a relationship(I say this fully realizing that it often is). But what I have done with the salary listing on my own profile is simply understate it. If I were to list what I really earn(I'm self-employed), it would look so pretentious that few people would believe it anyway, so this approach works well. Am I being deceptive? Well...in a way, but in reverse. People will often overstate what they really earn, but I am understating it. When I do meet that exceptional woman, and when the time comes, she will know everything.
    So...this topic is a bit tough especially when you're desiring to find your lifemate.
    YIKES!!! I forgot to address your question. I understand, you are going back to school, which means that for this time, you won't have the same income you had before you started school. Is that correct? And how will it affect your chances of finding a man who is looking for a woman to match/complement his income. Personally I couldn't care less what a woman earns, and I care even less what a woman I may be interested in earns, but I speak for myself, and I know that other men will demonstrate a stark contrast to my views. I hope this helps some.

    Now that I've bored you to tears with my mini-saga, I will now mosey along through the hallowed halls of this forum
    seeking further damage : o
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 09, 2005 at 01:19 PM


    RSVP - How does my comment imply I think most women are not gold diggers? Most women just want to see the man earning a stable income and could not care less. So I put down an amount that looks like a stable income. After a couple conversations with the lady I tell her my income, no harm no foul. But the gold diggers will mostly look on the site for men who make certain salaries (100k +) and approach them - and ignore me.

    I am definitely not trying to trick or deceive the genuine people. I think most of them ignore the money part anyways. I just want the scammers/gold diggers to leave me alone.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 09, 2005 at 07:54 AM



    MrRSVP write:


    I made the comment about no one lying about a lower salary, and it looks as though I stand corrected. However...

    Your last comments seem very contradictory. To me at least.
    You state that you lie about your income because you don't want to attract a gold digger. This to me implies two things:

    1)All women are gold diggers

    2)A gold digger is only interested in men with high salaries.

    Both of these implications are false. For starters, Not all women are gold diggers. Most women (at least the ones I know)are hard working,very independent, career oriented people who, despite beliefs to the contrary, are not looking for a man to take care of them.


    Secondly, ANYBODY can be taken for the proverbial ride, REGARDLESS of how much money they earn. So do be careful.

    You also said that you want a woman to appreciate you for who you are. How is this possible if you begin the relationship with lies. Is the woman really getting to know the real you?

    I agree that no one wants to be taken for a ride; be they man or woman. However, I am not going to lie about my income or anything else for that matter just to protect myself from a "gold digger". There are other ways to deal with such matters.

    If lying is the method you rely on,then more power to you. However, autonomy works best for me. You see, no one controls my finances but me. I control what I spend, when I spend it,and who I spend it on. Deception just isn't my thang.



    Really liked your take on this subject. Basically, money is just not the quality I LOOK FOR in a man. I do want him to be secure and stable, and not a cheap skate, but it is not at the top of my list. Most women do just fine thank you. It's the gold diggers (male and female) who make it bad for the rest.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 06:02 PM



    phea44 write:


    We are now living in a time when opportunities abound. It is entirely possible for someone in the 20-25 year old range to earn 100K per year or a whole lot more. I have a friend who started a little internet business selling income opportunities when he was 24 yrs old(4 years ago), and he earned over 250K in his first year.
    Now he earns millions online at he ripe old age of 28(hey, he's an overachiever). Is this common? NO.
    But it is possible. YOU could do it.
    If you are dating guys with large incomes, it really shouldn't matter, if he is truly into YOU and not his money.
    In the real world men with money, power and position have at their disposal a much larger pool of women from which to choose. Why?
    Because success attracts women (even if they don't always admit it). So...my advice(which I rarely give)to young people who have ambition and truly believe they will one day make it really big in some endeavor: Hold off on any pressure to marry someone until you've actually made it. Your prospects for a suitable mate will naturally increase as your success in life does. Not everyone will heed this advice, but...
    we all have our own life choices.

    p.s. For some weird reason, most people think that the Brad Pitts, John Travoltas, Donald Trumps, and Bill Gates of the world are somehow smarter than everyone else just based on their levels of success, and so we begin to attach images to these people(Disney Land fashion)that have little to do with reality.
    Anyway....I'm writing a book again.
    I'm out.




    Just a quick comment...
    For many African American women who have obtained some form of success in their lives, finding a suitable mate is difficult, especially in the metro Atlanta area.


    Latest national studies indicate that African American women obtain higher degrees than African American men. This translates into higher salaries and better opportunities for advancement for Black women who may want to date but simply can't find a man of equal financial status.
    I personally know of several women who feel this way. They want to settle down without having to "settle".

    What I am getting at is for most women, their prospects for a suitable mate don't increase with their success in life. If anything, their prospects decrease. This recent phenomenon appears to cross racial lines. I saw a segment on 60 minutes where "successful" women of all ethnicities were saying how difficult it was to find a suitable mate.

    I am now venturing into uncharted waters so maybe some women readers can supply some input on their experiences.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 05:49 PM



    jdavis123 write:
    We shouldn't see this as a contest of who lies more. Who cares? It is good to see why they lie so we can try to avoid these people.

    I think men lie for two reasons.
    1) Normal type of guy who is ashamed of his salary and wants to appear like a normal solid guy. He probably only says he makes a few thousand more than he actually does.
    2) Player who wants to show lots of money so he can get into the ladies pants/skirts.

    The ladies are mostly the 18-25 range just finishing university (or still in school) making 100k. Not sure why they are lying.

    Oh, and someone mentioned that no-one lies about a lower salary. This is not true. I'll be honest, I definitely do this. I am not interested in a gold digger. And I am sure there are other men who want a woman to appreciate them for who they are not what they earn.



    I made the comment about no one lying about a lower salary, and it looks as though I stand corrected. However...

    Your last comments seem very contradictory. To me at least.
    You state that you lie about your income because you don't want to attract a gold digger. This to me implies two things:

    1)All women are gold diggers

    2)A gold digger is only interested in men with high salaries.

    Both of these implications are false. For starters, Not all women are gold diggers. Most women (at least the ones I know)are hard working,very independent, career oriented people who, despite beliefs to the contrary, are not looking for a man to take care of them.


    Secondly, ANYBODY can be taken for the proverbial ride, REGARDLESS of how much money they earn. So do be careful.

    You also said that you want a woman to appreciate you for who you are. How is this possible if you begin the relationship with lies. Is the woman really getting to know the real you?

    I agree that no one wants to be taken for a ride; be they man or woman. However, I am not going to lie about my income or anything else for that matter just to protect myself from a "gold digger". There are other ways to deal with such matters.

    If lying is the method you rely on,then more power to you. However, autonomy works best for me. You see, no one controls my finances but me. I control what I spend, when I spend it,and who I spend it on. Deception just isn't my thang.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 03:42 PM


    We shouldn't see this as a contest of who lies more. Who cares? It is good to see why they lie so we can try to avoid these people.

    I think men lie for two reasons.
    1) Normal type of guy who is ashamed of his salary and wants to appear like a normal solid guy. He probably only says he makes a few thousand more than he actually does.
    2) Player who wants to show lots of money so he can get into the ladies pants/skirts.

    The ladies are mostly the 18-25 range just finishing university (or still in school) making 100k. Not sure why they are lying.

    Oh, and someone mentioned that no-one lies about a lower salary. This is not true. I'll be honest, I definitely do this. I am not interested in a gold digger. And I am sure there are other men who want a woman to appreciate them for who they are not what they earn.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 11:27 AM


    I think lying about income is the same as lying about anything else. I believe it is fear of rejection more than anything else.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 06, 2005 at 02:51 PM



    cocoabutter415 write:
    I guy with money actually makes me nervous, just because It makes me question if he ever wonders why I am dating him. So if a guy is 25 and he's making 100K a year, I'm less likely to date them.

    On another note, sometimes people overlook you because they can't decide whether or not you're telling the truth. I'm 20 and I make a good amount of income for a full-time student my age as an assistant producer. So it's not impossible for some young people to hit around the 25 thousand range. But if you are 20 and making 100K, I would want to know what the heck it is you're doing.



    Lol.... Honestly in todays Market it is quite possible to make 100k a year at 20 or 25... Maybe you might not want to dismiss them so quickly... FIND OUT what they are doing before...

    But,It is quite possible for a person 20-25 to be into investments like real estate, but it is not COMMON at all..
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 06, 2005 at 01:06 PM


    I guy with money actually makes me nervous, just because It makes me question if he ever wonders why I am dating him. So if a guy is 25 and he's making 100K a year, I'm less likely to date them.

    On another note, sometimes people overlook you because they can't decide whether or not you're telling the truth. I'm 20 and I make a good amount of income for a full-time student my age as an assistant producer. So it's not impossible for some young people to hit around the 25 thousand range. But if you are 20 and making 100K, I would want to know what the heck it is you're doing.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 03, 2005 at 08:29 PM



    SugerandSpice write:
    ?Fast forward to 2005: Our U.S. economy and the world economies of scale are undergoing paradigms of cataclysmic proportions. In other words, job markets are shrinking.?

    Whew ? there is a lot of information to deconstruct. I concur with your essay. And if I may indulge and spin my own interpretation, I challenge the analogy that men may not care what a woman?s earning potential is, unless he is completely comfortable with his own earnings and seeks only the sublime being. As social creatures, we seek Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy. In other words, we seek first the necessities and then build on with amenities to self-actualization. Truly in today?s commerce, if a man is interested in the longevity of a relationship, socio-economic parameters may will apply.

    So what does that say to my particularities? To reiterate, currently a student of minimal earnings - though certainly not impoverished. As you say, some may initially swerve due to immediate gratification needs; others may gravitate due to potential. (I?m crossing my fingers for door number two)

    However, I regress in saying I am also susceptible to physiology; if hormones rule the day ? Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

    ?Thanks, Mo! ...on behalf of the group I hope we passed the audition.? Beatles



    SugarandSpice(how nice!)
    You are soooo right! I agree with you on the points you presented.
    You are obviously a highly intelligent woman(the only type of woman that I like). So...what's the solution? Avoiding the superficial men? Being judged by the content of your character and not your bank statements?

    Seeking first the necessities and build on the amenities for self actualization?
    I think people(especially Americans)tend to spend money on what they want more than on what they need, which is why we have one the worst individual savings rates in the industrialized world. But forgive my digression.
    Your points were well taken. Thanks for the eloquent input.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 03, 2005 at 03:50 PM


    One last thing... (boy I'm long winded today)... my puncutation marks are being changed to question marks on this service. How odd...
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 03, 2005 at 03:44 PM


    ?Fast forward to 2005: Our U.S. economy and the world economies of scale are undergoing paradigms of cataclysmic proportions. In other words, job markets are shrinking.?

    Whew ? there is a lot of information to deconstruct. I concur with your essay. And if I may indulge and spin my own interpretation, I challenge the analogy that men may not care what a woman?s earning potential is, unless he is completely comfortable with his own earnings and seeks only the sublime being. As social creatures, we seek Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy. In other words, we seek first the necessities and then build on with amenities to self-actualization. Truly in today?s commerce, if a man is interested in the longevity of a relationship, socio-economic parameters may will apply.

    So what does that say to my particularities? To reiterate, currently a student of minimal earnings - though certainly not impoverished. As you say, some may initially swerve due to immediate gratification needs; others may gravitate due to potential. (I?m crossing my fingers for door number two)

    However, I regress in saying I am also susceptible to physiology; if hormones rule the day ? Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

    ?Thanks, Mo! ...on behalf of the group I hope we passed the audition.? Beatles
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 03, 2005 at 01:32 PM


    "Now that I've bored you to tears with my mini-saga, I will now mosey along through the hallowed halls of this forum
    seeking further damage : o "

    American history and a male's perspective... a good read indeed!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 02, 2005 at 02:58 PM


    Hi Mr_RSVP, you are so right in what you say. I was born with an advantage and managed to build on it. I have financial advisers, off shore comanies, private banking, trusts and all kinds of nonsense.

    In terms of happiness, what was the result? I married a woman from a different background to me whom I loved, respected and doted on. Then members of her family persuaded her that she could gain millions from me in a divorce and put so much pressure on her that she finally went to a "shark" lawyer to divorce me after 10 years of marriage and 3 children on the basis that "she wanted to continue her education". What her relatives did not understand is that I have very good lawyers all on retainer and she ended up with nothing. It is disappointing but I am the eternal optimist and I know there is someone out there who wants a committed and devoted relationship and who will spend the rest of our lives together.... you know..."for better and for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health". As you say, "be careful what you wish for". Don't wish for money or chase it because that will always elude you, this also applies to living in debt to create false impressions of one's status. I gave away the significant part of my assets to various charities when I was 25 and today, I have even more. I am successful because I enjoy what I do and as a result, find it easy to do it well. Having said that, I have had my ups and downs. There have been ties when I have staked everything on a particular business and only had a loaf of bread and tap water to live on for two months. The risk paid off and great; if it had failed, i would still have been able to walk away and do something else. Thats Life. From what I have seen of it, the only thing that cannot be taken from you is your education and your experiences.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 02, 2005 at 02:40 PM


    Hi Guest_Male,

    I am sorry, you seem like a nice person, but I would have to disagree with you. The warnings of the hurricane were given well in advance and all the people who had cars, credit cards and cash or relatives elsewhere left the area well before the problem struck. The population left in the affected area was predominantly poor and in an area where 60% of those living below the poverty line are black. In New Orleans, it has been well known that the sea defence system (the levies) were not adequate. It is sad for me to see all those school buses sitting neatly parked in the floods and why do you see so many of the poor stuck in the midst of all this demonstration of local and central Govt failure. The television footage shows the wealthier people coming back to check the damage and the poor crowded around the stadium and the congress hall without food and water. Strangely, it all arives about an hour behind the President.

    There are 3 more hurricanes on their way in the next two months and I am sure that there will be a massive change in attitude because of the political damage this event has caused the Mayors, Governors and the President.

    I am well travelled and sadly, what is being experienced today is what other parts of the world are suffering constantly. Simply put, it is the consequence of greed ( the lack of desire to share resources more honestly and equally). There are endless examples of poverty and the exploitation of others around the world and unfortunately, the US is known and accepted as the biggest unequal consumer country in the world.

    Whilst we all debate the pros and cons of faking income, we all have internet access and the ability to use computers. At this point, we represent the top 10% of the world's wealthiest people. we have food, drinkable water and a roof over our heads....what is our issue. I am sure many of the people who are suffering now and those who suffer the same treatment for their whole lives (short or long) do not have what we have.

    By definition, none of us is poor, beyond that more money is essentially about a FALSE sense of security (money can go as easily as it comes) or a drive to acquire material assets which do not bring happiness and cannot be taken to the next life.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 01, 2005 at 09:26 PM


    Well said, Sentoryu:)
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 01, 2005 at 09:15 PM


    I agree with Carmel Princess...

    There is a lot of pressure on the man to BE the bread winner in the family. Most women feel that it is mostly what a man has to bring to the relationship.
    Most women don't feel a man can raise and care for kids as well as a woman. Most Women feel that a man cannot cook as well as a woman. Basically the "traditional" woman's role.. Most women feel that a man can't do it as well. So what else is he good for???

    (Okay my statements are based mostly on personal experiences, but most of the older women in my family (ie Grand Ma) feel this way.)

    As a man I can tell you I feel some what pressured to live up to an UNSAID expectation. I do feel that a women looks a WHAT I HAVE and deems me worthy or unworthy.

    I do think a guy cares more how a woman looks and if she is a good cook over HER FINANCIAL STATUS

    It costs alot to be a woman who takes care of herself these days... She pays 35-65 and UP for hair salon, not to mention the NAILS and FEET... All the bath gels and lotions to keep her nice and SOFT... (COME ON GUYS you know WE WANT A SOFT WOMAN) Face it or not Women do this mostly for US.
    Okay I see the radar setting up... You may want to believe that a woman does it for SELF satisfaction. This may be true to a degree. But Women want to live up to that SAME traditional View that men want to Live up to financially...

    People try and make you feel less like a man if you have no job. Same if a woman is not all done up... People want to make her feel less like a woman.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 01, 2005 at 08:58 PM


    thank you Guest_MALE for the reality check.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 30, 2005 at 07:28 PM


    Now that I am back in college and living within a student's income,I wonder if this can be a turn-off for some men who are looking to 'match' their incomes. So, instead of lying, I just leave the salary blank and state my job as "student" in the hopes my potential soulmate understands the payoff is down the road.
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