GOOD GUYS VERSES BAD GUYS How about a little laughter? Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Jan 05, 2006 at 01:20 PM


    Why is it that the men we want are the men we DON'T NEED, and the men we Need are the men that we DON'T WANT?
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  • View author's info Posted on Apr 20, 2007 at 03:44 AM


    That's a good damn question, I have a hard time understanding a woman I treat very well then she simply wigs out on something so trival....case in point met a woman in Dallas one time she's 11yrs my senior but beautiful an shape, we have a pleasant weekend....spectacular actually. She's in the process of moving from Cali to Dallas. She flies back to Calif to complete her move by driving back to Dallas within a month! We talk every day decide that I will fly out to Cali and drive back with her....we also decide to spend 2 "romantic" days Santa Barbara, she calls me her boyfriend and tells me how refreshing it is to have me in her life and how she's been dating some very selfish men of late. I send flowers 3 times to her....then one day she tells me she had to make this drive on her own and that she needs me to slow down? In my mind I'm only moving as fast as you want this move. Never the less we don't even speak now! Treat a woman like a woman and this is what you get? BS!

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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 08, 2006 at 09:54 PM


    Lavonne2000,

    I read a book a couple of years ago that described bad men perfectly. "Bad men are graces sent to us to teach us how to love ourselves." In other words, if you love yourself--you learn how to cut loose the bad ones quick!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 04, 2006 at 03:21 AM


    Phea, it does help to know how you define "Wussie." Maybe lack of complete understanding of individual definitions of terminology feeds some small points of dissention in the debates of this thread, yet clearer definitions lends to concensus.

    And though I know it wasn't your stated position, I just want to say that I'm not so sure its a case of some folks posting dessenting posts simply to cull favor with others, so much as folks posting their own thoughts based on what they interpreted, whether accurately or not, of others posts.

    Take some of those qualities of "Bad Guys" you refered to, which upon further clarification and example, turn out to actually be good qualities.
    Well, sure those you gave example of are good qualities!
    And many good people do possess them -thus they are not qualities particular to bad guys solely, and not what I'd consider qualities defining bad guys as bad guys.

    For my part that was part of the misunderstanding. Thinking that qualities you attributed to bad guys were bad qualities, i.e. definitive OF being bad/lacking sensitivity towards other, as being bad qualities that good guys should strive to aquire.

    Of course most women (AND most men might I add) would prefer a confident self assured compliment over someone who kowtows to and fawns over their every whim.

    And yes Cimmie, I must agree with your post -"nice" isn't always the same as GOOD.
    After all, what do neighbors say in bewilderment about the Jeffery Dahmers of the world?...
    "But he was such a NICE boy."
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 03, 2006 at 04:52 PM


    QuietStorm writes:
    Unless you define wussy as one who takes the time to try and understand what his woman is feeling and coping with or being there for her through the tears as well as the laughter. One who puts his feelings and emotions on hold to assist her through trying times.

    Then one day I'm gonna be a wussy

    but for the time being lets ask the ladies a few questions on what they prefer.

    Here Goes:
    a) DO you prefer a gentle caress tracing your jaw line ? OR b) A left hook shattering your jaw ?

    a) DO you prefer coming home to find a single rose on the say table in the foyer ? OR b) coming home and finding Rose the girl from down the way sitting on your mans lap with nothing but a smile on ?

    a) DO you prefer coming home to the sweet aroma of dinner cooking and say some Marvin Gaye/Barry White on the stereo ? OR b)barely making it in the door and being called everything but a child of GOD before being thrown in the kitchen and told too "feed me I had a hard day" ?

    OK class you have your homework assignment. Test day to be announced later.

    Take Care and May GOD Bless Us One And ALL ??
    **********************************************************************************************************************************
    I am not defining the word WUSSY as you described above.
    Taking the time to understand, appreciate and love the woman that you are with is indeed an excellent thing.

    It is funny how so many people come to these posts burdened by their own preconceived beliefs and notions on topics. They tend to see exactly what they have chosen to see. But I'm digressing.

    WUSSY DEFINED: A man who demonstrates certain behavioral characteristics(whether natural or feigned)for the express purpose of winning the favor of women. This can include being overly agreeably nice, doing everything that is asked of him by the woman, constantly chasing after the woman, obsequiousness etc.

    NON WUSS CHARACTERISTICS:

    1. Being a LEADER, NOT a follower.
    2. Not looking to a woman for approval and attention.
    3. Demonstrating that you are in CONTROL of yourself and YOUR surroundings.
    4. Holding yourself upright(Self-esteem).
    5. Showing Non-Needy and NON-Clingy behavior.
    6. Having your own interests and passions. In short, having
    a life apart from hers.

    Women are quite intuitive, and find this type of man(Wussy) boring and uninteresting. There are many men out there who display some Wussy aspects of their character, I can't think of any man displaying these characteristics who has had any true success with dating or romance.

    I never advocated the mistreatment of women. Not at all, but
    you must realize that women are constantly testing men, whether you realize it or not.

    Before making the decision to get involved with a man, most women apply series of tests, some of which include:
    a) Does he have a sense of humor? Women in general love to laugh.
    b) If you have money. If you are stingy with it or generous.
    c) If you can be easily controlled(Wussy)and manipulated(Wussy). Most women don't want a man who doesn't stand on his own two feet, so to speak.
    d) If you are interesting enough to be considered for a LTR or just a FRIEND(the kiss of death for a relationship).
    e) How intelligent you are(especially true if she is very intelligent herself).

    I could go on, but you get my point.

    I may write a post later to offer a more comprehensive definition for the word WUSSY.

    Asking the ladies the questions you pose is superfluous, unless they are masochists. Again, I have merely stated that Bad Boys do have some(non abusive/non arrogant) characteristics that many women find attractive.

    I recently watched a documentary on television showing women, who were seemingly NORMAL, showing an interest
    in establishing relationships with prison inmates. YES,
    inmates. The professions of these women ranged from medical doctors, teachers, attorneys, lower level employees, etc. Strange, huh? I don't claim to understand this completely. But it is interesting.

    OK, Now it's my turn to ask the women some questions.

    OK Ladies:

    1. Would you prefer a man who is unsure of himself, or a man who is sure of himself(as a person/man) ? Do you feel more protected or less protected by such a man?
    2. Which is better, a NEEDY and CLINGY man who is constantly in your face, or a man who actually has a life and interests of his own while at the same time giving you the quality time that you deserve to have.
    3. A man who understand what ROMANCE is REALLY about, and know how to ROMANCE you in ways that elicits
    attraction?
    4. Would you prefer an overly NICE man to a man who demonstrates a genuine interest in YOU minus the obsequious tendencies of the typical Wuss Guy?
    5. A guy who actually takes the time to "work" on the relationship, or someone who is too busy "kissin up" to care?

    I think these questions are far more pertinent.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 03, 2006 at 02:04 PM


    It's interesting how a quiet, thoughtful nature is often interpreted as a sign of being a "nice guy," in a man.

    Women see you reading, writing, studying, helping people, and they assume you must be a "nice guy": charming as a friend, boring as a lover.

    Which may be completely wrong. After all, the young Adolf Hitler was a "nice guy," shy, quiet and in love with books.

    Niceness has more to do with what is going inside. That a man has manners and is quiet, shy, studious, etc. does not mean he's a nice person.

    For all you know, he may be plotting the end of the world.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 03, 2006 at 01:29 PM


    Phea44 is right!

    I think some people will create an opportunity to market themselves by twisting somebody else's words. That's what it looks like. That personality trait falls somewhere under dishonesty.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2006 at 08:07 PM


    MIDLOVE write:
    I agree with you wiseflower30, success runs through confidence and somewhere between nice guy and bad guy, but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

    Many tend to take an advantage of nice people. When this happens, we feel the need to tilt the needle the other way, at least a little.

    But, regardless of what's right or wrong, to achieve the most success, we have to work with what's in the world. Those, who are the most marketable, show confidence, arrogance and a bad boy/girl demeanor. However, it is possible to find one that doesn't follow this trend. But, the chances of success are higher for those that follow this trend.

    We don't live in an ideal world. And yeah, I know what I can put up with and what I can't. I can't fake it; therefore, I can't have a lot of these more marketable women. However, I'm not strict; but, I'm not going to take a lot of mess because she is beautiful and/or she is good in....

    Besides, I don't know many truly nice people. They may be nice to you or me, but sticking somebody else in the back, so to speak.


    Right!!! Have you read profiles of the more, for lack of a better term, more MARKETABLE WOMEN?

    For example, I was browsing some profiles on the Big Y! early last year, and whenever I read the profiles of the more EXCEPTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE women, they invariably displayed an extra amount of SELF CONFIDENCE. Why?
    Because these types of women get the most attention, the most winks, offers for dates, etc. They've got options and they know it. Do they have to play the role of the BAD GIRL to get attention from men. No! The only real competition they have is from other EXCEPTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN. Which is why they can't stand being in each others presence(where men are concerned.). Are all of these types of women totally confident? Not at all. But I believe the majority are.

    At this point, some will say, yeah but this is now off topic.
    But it really isn't. Why do many women go after the bad boy types? Mostly because of the confidence that many so called Bad Boy types display. Though I will admit there is a small percentage of women who equate LOVE with physical and verbal abuse, but these are women who are in a "special" class, and the number is truly negligible.

    The confidence that some of these Bad Boy types display is not too different than what the more "socially marketable" women display. Confidence usually comes through the door of successs.

    And yes, you may quote me on that.


    **Phea now moves away from this thread until the next Episode. Stay Tuned!**
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2006 at 04:07 PM


    I agree with you wiseflower30, success runs through confidence and somewhere between nice guy and bad guy, but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

    Many tend to take an advantage of nice people. When this happens, we feel the need to tilt the needle the other way, at least a little.

    But, regardless of what's right or wrong, to achieve the most success, we have to work with what's in the world. Those, who are the most marketable, show confidence, arrogance and a bad boy/girl demeanor. However, it is possible to find one that doesn't follow this trend. But, the chances of success are higher for those that follow this trend.

    We don't live in an ideal world. And yeah, I know what I can put up with and what I can't. I can't fake it; therefore, I can't have a lot of these more marketable women. However, I'm not strict; but, I'm not going to take a lot of mess because she is beautiful and/or she is good in....

    Besides, I don't know many truly nice people. They may be nice to you or me, but sticking somebody else in the back, so to speak.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2006 at 12:53 PM


    QuietStorm65 write:
    I must agree with what Sam said, portraying ones self in a bad boy or girl (women do it also) manner just to gain attention from anyone weather it be male or female is not only degrading but also on a more deeper level it is disrespecting ones up bringing. All of us at some point in time while growing up were taught to be respectful of others.

    Most such as myself have held on to the belief that these teachings of honor respect etc; are the right way to live ones life period.

    Now as for the Nice Guy being a wussy I disagree whole heartily with this terminology fore, I consider myself a nice guy and those with whom I associate and work with on a daily basis as well consider me to be a nice guy.

    Unless you define wussy as one who takes the time to try and understand what his woman is feeling and coping with or being there for her through the tears as well as the laughter. One who puts his feelings and emotions on hold to assist her through trying times.

    Then one day I'm gonna be a wussy

    but for the time being lets ask the ladies a few questions on what they prefer.

    Here Goes:
    a) DO you prefer a gentle caress tracing your jaw line ? OR b) A left hook shattering your jaw ?

    a) DO you prefer coming home to find a single rose on the say table in the foyer ? OR b) coming home and finding Rose the girl from down the way sitting on your mans lap with nothing but a smile on ?

    a) DO you prefer coming home to the sweet aroma of dinner cooking and say some Marvin Gaye/Barry White on the stereo ? OR b)barely making it in the door and being called everything but a child of GOD before being thrown in the kitchen and told too "feed me I had a hard day" ?

    OK class you have your homework assignment. Test day to be announced later.

    Take Care and May GOD Bless Us One And ALL

    Come on...Like any woman is going to admit that she enjoys having her brains beat out by her significant other.

    You should know better than that.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2006 at 09:55 AM


    I must agree with what Sam said, portraying ones self in a bad boy or girl (women do it also) manner just to gain attention from anyone weather it be male or female is not only degrading but also on a more deeper level it is disrespecting ones up bringing. All of us at some point in time while growing up were taught to be respectful of others.

    Most such as myself have held on to the belief that these teachings of honor respect etc; are the right way to live ones life period.

    Now as for the Nice Guy being a wussy I disagree whole heartily with this terminology fore, I consider myself a nice guy and those with whom I associate and work with on a daily basis as well consider me to be a nice guy.

    Unless you define wussy as one who takes the time to try and understand what his woman is feeling and coping with or being there for her through the tears as well as the laughter. One who puts his feelings and emotions on hold to assist her through trying times.

    Then one day I'm gonna be a wussy

    but for the time being lets ask the ladies a few questions on what they prefer.

    Here Goes:
    a) DO you prefer a gentle caress tracing your jaw line ? OR b) A left hook shattering your jaw ?

    a) DO you prefer coming home to find a single rose on the say table in the foyer ? OR b) coming home and finding Rose the girl from down the way sitting on your mans lap with nothing but a smile on ?

    a) DO you prefer coming home to the sweet aroma of dinner cooking and say some Marvin Gaye/Barry White on the stereo ? OR b)barely making it in the door and being called everything but a child of GOD before being thrown in the kitchen and told too "feed me I had a hard day" ?

    OK class you have your homework assignment. Test day to be announced later.

    Take Care and May GOD Bless Us One And ALL
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 01, 2006 at 05:03 PM


    as my previous posters have pointed out and as i've stated in quite a few ...why do indivdiuals keep picking the wrong people? ...it's a reflection of u and ur insecurities , therefore if u are always attracted to bad guys, then maybe u need to take a hard look of yourself... since it shows that you may feel that u are not worth someone "good"....as for the confidence aura ..there's a difference between arrogance and confidence...most people are confused by these types of personalities ...i enjoy a confident man but an arrogant jerk can kiss my u know what...
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 01, 2006 at 10:33 AM


    Samantha451 write:

    I disagree with this on several points.

    People shouldn't affect certain behaviors just to try to attract members of the opposite gender, including adopting certain bad boy behaviors OR kissing azz just to make a temporary peace.
    Rather just be true to yourself being your true self and stand by what you believe without the affected bad boy mannerisms.
    Because people can't keep up an act forever. So since sooner or later your TRUE self will be revealed, its just best to find someone who loves you for the true you.

    Also, I know of few women with a healthy sense of self worth who enjoy being "bagged" on.
    If a person has something helpful to contribute or advice to impart, best to do so without the derisive, bad boy attitude.
    Even if "just in jest," likely the only one getting much amusement out of it is you.

    There are ways of being abusive besides physical abuse.
    Rather than keeping some women "interested" and "coming back for more,"
    affecting such standoffish bad boy behaviors is likely to backfire right in someones face, being viewed by many women as an immaturish sort of game playing.

    In some emotionally charged situations/relationships, its entirely NORMAL to show some (nonviolent) loss of composure. To remain so composed in certain situations I can think of coming up in most relationships seems rather cold and inhuman to some women.

    A message to you Nice Guys: Just be yourselves.
    A woman with an ounce of sense will love and respect you more for respecting your true self.

    Interesting retort Samantha. Let me further explain my post.
    My suggestion that the Good Guys adopt some of the Bad Boy mannerisms is, some of those mannerism are Good, not BAD. Confidence for instance. As far as beng good is concerned, there are a lot of Good Guys who are artificially "good" in their efforts to win over the women they're interested in . Most women can see through this and respond accordingly.

    As far as women respecting a Good Guy for his true self?
    With the facade that people in general display when they first meet, how long do you think it will take to learn anyone's TRUE SELF?

    Have you read the past posts on other thread from the "true to themselves" Good Guys? Have you? What do most of these guys say? "I really don't know what women want. I was a total gentleman and treated her nice and now she doesn't want to go out with me anymore." Blah blah blah.

    Most men who are truly successful with women, don't chase women.

    In fact, in many instances, they were the ones who were "playing hard to get." (Women do it often)

    If you are trying the same things over and over again without success, reason should call for a different approach, if for no other reason than to gain a certain level of CONFIDENCE. I am not suggesting that anyone pretend to be someone that he/she is not, but people who have a great deal of success in various areas of life, have success not by chance, but by design.

    In order to stay true to oneself, one must know who that SELF is. Few people do. That's why we have more followers than leaders in this world. Why not learn from people who have proven to be successful in some area.

    And keeping one's COMPOSURE is an alternative to showing public displays of anger or throwing tantrums.
    It isn't being FAKE, it's learning to be magnanimous.

    Samantha, you should know that as a woman, whenever a women(in general) describe a man as NICE, she rarely sees him as RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL. I know that you know this is true if you check with experiences of your female friends. Are there exceptions? Of course, but not enough to make any real difference in relationships.

    Most women simply don't know what to do with a guy who displays too much NICENESS.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 31, 2006 at 09:49 PM


    MIDLOVE wrote:

    Those, who lack confidence, follow after those, who have it. This is why you see a lot of the smaller guys going along with the bigger guys or the least reputable going along with the most reputable.

    Some fake it until they make it and this is advised by many. But, in a relationship, the real person always comes out. So, the best advice is to do whatever leads to confidence.

    One may display a level of confidence; but, the question is, "Are they confident in the right things?"
    **********************************************************************************************************************************
    Precisely my point Midlove! I'm glad you "got it."
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 31, 2006 at 04:37 PM


    I think that the answer lies somewhere with confidence. In many cases, but not all, a bad boy displays more confidence than one, who kisses up.

    If a man displays confidence and the success that results from it, without the abusive nature, he would be more appealing in the eyes of many women.

    Confidence, when not faked, is a result of some kind of intelligence that leads to success. When one has sufficient intelligence concerning a matter, he sees no reason to change his composure, unless he's being subtly manipulative.

    Confidence is not agreeable to just anything said or done, regardless of who it is, male or female.

    Those, who lack confidence, follow after those, who have it. This is why you see a lot of the smaller guys going along with the bigger guys or the least reputable going along with the most reputable.

    Some fake it until they make it and this is advised by many. But, in a relationship, the real person always comes out. So, the best advice is to do whatever leads to confidence.

    One may display a level of confidence; but, the question is, "Are they confident in the right things?"
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 30, 2006 at 10:39 AM


    Most people can't avoid being themselves, anyway. Of course, many want to think they're wearing a mask when they don't like how they are....

    Being yourself should be good enough, if not to get you some love from someone else, at least to get you enough love from yourself that it doesn't even matter if you have to live the rest of your life alone.

    It's a small price to pay.

    However, as noted by Phea, many women like being treated badly. I see it all the time: women with boyfriends who, basically, ignore them and barely talk to them in public. They are always making excuses for it, too (who hasn't seen the embarrassed shrug of a girl who was just ignored by her guy in public?).

    I think there's something deeply biological in that. The complement to nurturing is selfishness. That is, a selfish guy gives a woman many more chances to apply her nurturing instincts. Thus, selfishness in men is rewarded.

    Of course there are some women who don't find selfishness attractive, but many do.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 30, 2006 at 12:55 AM


    lavonne2000 write:
    Why is it that the men we want are the men we DON'T NEED, and the men we Need are the men that we DON'T WANT?

    This topic always seems to come up in one form or another, and I do believe I've covered it several times on different threads in one form or another. So, here we go again.

    Let's talk about the "Bad Boys."

    I believe that women are ATTRACTED to "Bad Boys" on an "unconscious" level. I mean, women don't say, "well, this guy has muscles and that tough as nails "hard" look. I think I like him..." No way!!!

    But the point is that Bad Boys have aspects to their personalities that women find SEXY.

    Unfortunately(for women who like these types), Bad Boys are often ABUSIVE as well.

    Personally, I don't like abuse, and I don't like to be abusive.

    In fact, I dislike MEAN people and MEAN BEHAVIOR more than just about anything.

    I may tease a woman or "bag" on her a tad bit, but underneath it all I'm just playing around or trying to help.

    I am not suggesting that GOOD BOYS try to imitate BAD BOYS in order to win the affections of women.

    But over the years, I've realized that it's very possible(and fun)to take some of the great things that BAD BOYS do to attract women...and learn them WITHOUT the abuse part.

    You probably see where I'm going here...dontcha?

    YES, Bad Boys often throw tantrums, yelling at women, and being physically abusive to women are all horrible.

    They're just not good.

    But on the other hand, keeping your COMPOSURE is the "right way" to deal with many situations with women.

    When you keep your composure, you actually show that you're EVEN STRONGER than if you were to get upset.

    GOOD BOYS tend to display a lot of GIRLIE MAN or Wussy behaviors.
    They tend to be too agreeable and kiss way too much A$$!!!!
    Not cool, and he gets little LTA(Long Term Attention)from the women he is interested in.

    I know I know, I've heard some of the older women write posts that expressed more of a leaning toward the nice and "dapper" guy, but if a guy is really interested in having a LTR with a woman, he'd be better off turning down the natural tendency to be good and NICE(ad nauseum) and adopt more of the non-abusive BAD BOY characteristics.

    Try it, it works every time!

    OK, so I've managed to digress a bit here, but you get my points.

    A mesage to you Nice Guys: Print this post and study it, because there's a quiz next week, and you'd better pass it,
    alright? Peace!
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 29, 2006 at 09:48 AM


    phea44 write:

    This topic always seems to come up in one form or another, and I do believe I've covered it several times on different threads in one form or another. So, here we go again.

    Let's talk about the "Bad Boys."

    I believe that women are ATTRACTED to "Bad Boys" on an "unconscious" level. I mean, women don't say, "well, this guy has muscles and that tough as nails "hard" look. I think I like him..." No way!!!

    But the point is that Bad Boys have aspects to their personalities that women find SEXY.

    Unfortunately(for women who like these types), Bad Boys are often ABUSIVE as well.

    Personally, I don't like abuse, and I don't like to be abusive.

    In fact, I dislike MEAN people and MEAN BEHAVIOR more than just about anything.

    I may tease a woman or "bag" on her a tad bit, but underneath it all I'm just playing around or trying to help.

    I am not suggesting that GOOD BOYS try to imitate BAD BOYS in order to win the affections of women.

    But over the years, I've realized that it's very possible(and fun)to take some of the great things that BAD BOYS do to attract women...and learn then WITHOUT the abuse part.

    You probably see where I'm going here...dontcha?

    YES, Bad Boys often throw tantrums, yelling at women, and being physically abusive to women are all horrible.

    They're just not good.

    But on the other hand, keeping your COMPOSURE is the "right way" to deal with many situations with women.

    When you keep your composure, you actually show that you're EVEN STRONGER than if you were to get upset.

    GOOD BOYS tend to display a lot of GIRLIE MAN or Wussy behaviors.
    The tend to be too agreeable and kiss way too much A$$!!!!
    Not cool, and he gets little LTA(Long Term Attention)from the women he is interested in.

    I know I know, I've heard some of the older women write posts that expressed more of a leaning toward the nice and "dapper" guy, but if guy is really interested in having a LTR with a woman, he'd be better off turning down the natural tendency to be good and NICE(ad nauseum) and adopt more of the non-abusive BAD BOY characteristics.

    Try it, it works every time!

    OK, so I've managed to digress a bit here, but you get my points.

    A mesage to you Nice Guys: Print this post and study it, because there's quiz next week, and you'd better pass it,
    alright? Peace!


    I disagree with this on several points.

    People shouldn't affect certain behaviors just to try to attract members of the opposite gender, including adopting certain bad boy behaviors OR kissing azz just to make a temporary peace.
    Rather just be true to yourself being your true self and stand by what you believe without the affected bad boy mannerisms.
    Because people can't keep up an act forever. So since sooner or later your TRUE self will be revealed, its just best to find someone who loves you for the true you.

    Also, I know of few women with a healthy sense of self worth who enjoy being "bagged" on.
    If a person has something helpful to contribute or advice to impart, best to do so without the derisive, bad boy attitude.
    Even if "just in jest," likely the only one getting much amusement out of it is you.

    There are ways of being abusive besides physical abuse.
    Rather than keeping some women "interested" and "coming back for more,"
    affecting such standoffish bad boy behaviors is likely to backfire right in someones face, being viewed by many women as an immaturish sort of game playing.

    In some emotionally charged situations/relationships, its entirely NORMAL to show some (nonviolent) loss of composure. To remain so composed in certain situations I can think of coming up in most relationships seems rather cold and inhuman to some women.

    A message to you Nice Guys: Just be yourselves.
    A woman with an ounce of sense will love and respect you more for respecting your true self.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 11, 2006 at 12:29 PM


    lavonne2000 write:
    Why is it that the men we want are the men we DON'T NEED, and the men we Need are the men that we DON'T WANT?

    Ahhh... My Dear,

    That is indeed the million dollar question. It has been asked in these hallways many different ways and on several different threads.

    Too be quite honest, nobody really knows. I mean we all have out opinions and we may argue that our opinion is "better" than yours. But in the end, opinions are like azholes, everybody has one. But I digress...

    Back to the original question, the way I would answer your question (in my opinion:)), would be to ask YOU, why is it that the man YOU want is one who YOU don't "need", and why is it that the man YOU "need" is a man who YOU don't seem to want?

    These are questions only YOU can answer, and by your use of the word "we" in your post, I believe you know the answer.
    **In therapy, "we" is considered an inclusive term use by clients to take responsibility off of themselves**

    This is probably not the answer one would expect to hear in response to a question like this. I am not name calling, blame labeling, or male/female bashing. What I AM doing, however, is providing some sound advise that can be used to examine past/current/future relationships.

    Being in unhealthy relationships can lead to serious problems, be they financial, legal, and/or physical. To me, it is much too serious of a problem to have a superficial discussions. People on these boards have expertise in many different areas. We should use this expertise to empower people, not just entertain them.

    But that's just my opinion.

    And as always...Keep the faith
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 06, 2006 at 10:38 AM


    lavonne2000 write:
    Why is it that the men we want are the men we DON'T NEED, and the men we Need are the men that we DON'T WANT?

    lavonne2000 ...... Welcome To The Hallways Of IM ........ Hope To "SEE" More Of You ............... ................................................................... "What" ..... A Bad Guy In The Sheets ? ....... Is Like What ?? ........ A Nonstop Spanking ??? .......... Hmmmm, Now That Can Be A Bit Dangerous, Don't You Think ? ........ But The Real Art Of Love,With A Man & Woman, Is, Kind, Honest, Gentle, Caring, Loving, And Considerate, Not Someone You Have To Chase Night And Day On The Streets, Just To See Whom, He/She Has Been Sleeping With, .......... As Human Behavior Drops Frustration And Anger Dead In You Lap, Everytime You Ask Them, {Were Have You Been} ...... As You Set Back In A Nice Soft Chair, To Hear One Lie After The Next, Or Look Both Ways As You Open Your Front Door, Just To See If This Is Going To Be A Good Day, To Walk Out Of Your House, Without Jumping - Behind A Parked Car, Just Because Someone Has A Drive-By ..... With Your Mates Name On It, ...... Hmmmmmmm ....... Now, Who In The World Has Time For That, ....... I Don't ..................... OK
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