To Support: Do women even really know what they want? Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 21, 2005 at 02:13 PM



    cyupanqui write:
    Is knowing what you want a good thing at all? Isn't it closed minded if you focus only on one possibility and leave all others out without any further consideration?

    Isn't always knowing what s/he wants the trademark of the fanatic?



    cyupanqui:

    Knowing what one wants--the trade mark of a fanatic. Well...what's the alternative? Approaching life and relationships, "willy-nilly" and let whatever happens happen? I don't think so! If YOU don't know what you want, then who does? Who or what are you leaving it up to?
    Knowing what you want, narrows the field a bit, thus increasing the odds of your actually getting it. GOT IT?
    In my experience, I've noticed that most people in relationships tend to, how shall I state this, "compromise" or "settle." The more attractive the person, the more options they will have at their disposal, which can translate into less settling. But...I digress. Back to your point. Is knowing what you want a good thing at all? It's not only a good thing...it's a GREAT THING! A Fantastic thing!
    I always have my own criteria as far as seeing or dating women. My goal is to find and ultimately marry an EXCEPTIONAL WOMAN. Hmm...what's that you say Phea? What pray tell is an EXCEPTIONAL
    WOMAN? A woman who is Intelligent, Educated, Loving, Attractive, with a High Self-Esteem. a Sound mind(no psychos), who has a capacity to not only receive love, but also give it as well. Am I being a "fanatic" for wanting these things?

    The word FANATIC as defined in your standard dictionary means:
    "unreasonble enthusiasm, overly zealous. n. a person whose extreme zeal, piety, etc. goes beyond what is reasonable."

    Who can decide what is reasonble?
    For example, if you state in your profile the following: Handsome man is looking for drop-dead gorgeous brunette between 22-35, with Super-Model figure, etc.
    And you wait...and you wait...but no winks, emails...hmm...no takers, then you might conclude that your goals(knowing what you want)might be unreasonable.
    But my goals are absolutely based on what I've had in the past, and what I can still have in the present and the future.
    OK...now I will tackle your other question: Is it closed minded to focus on what one wants thus ignoring other possibilties? I personally believe that everyone should stay open to other possiblities. It just makes sense to do so, because LOVE can sometimes be found in the most UNEXPECTED PLACES.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 21, 2005 at 01:33 PM


    PDX - Don't believe for a second people don't fall in love anymore. This happens, and love at first sight happens. It just happens much less then love growing in stages.

    Cyup - I get what you are saying. I guess the important thing is what you mean by saying you know what you want. I know exactly what I want. But I could not describe her in looks and probably not personality either. Sounds like I don't know what I want after all - but I do.

    What I want can only be described in abstracts. I want a strong attraction. She absolutely must be openminded both in normal life and the bedroom. She has to be optimistic and happy. She has to love me as much as I love her. I couldn't describe any more though. The rest is more of a 'feel' to it then a reason. This is where it's less intellect and more emotional.


    Most of the people here say they know what they want, my guess is at least a third really don't. I mean we all thought so before our past relationships - didn't work out so good did it? Now all of a sudden we think we have the market covered on romance, LOL.

    So as much as I say I know what I want, I also know that "I don't really".

    Believing I do know - this gives me a goal, a plan, and I can go with confidence after my goal. Realizing that my knowledge is flawed (or even incorrect) allows me to be open-minded and constantly questioning things along the way.

    I wish I could explain this better but it is a very abstract thing.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 21, 2005 at 01:26 PM


    Woah GUEST!
    You must have had some awfully skeery experiences with some of the ladies here, you thinking 'bout switch-hitting now.

    tltltl


    Guest_MALE write:
    FRIENDship does Make the World GO Round ;o9

    Cyupangui... I AGREE with YOU to an Extent. I KNOW EXACTly what I WANT. I don't Think that that Makes ME a FANATIC though.

    I Want SomeOne like YOU ;o9 When I say that... I mean... SomeOne with a Profile that READs like your's(not Word for WORD) from Begin'n to END.

    That WANT is a Very BROAD WANT. I Guess the Only FANATICAL Aspect of What I Want would be My UnWillingness to LOOK OutSide of My 100 Mile Radius.

    Maybe if I would EASE Up on that Aspect... YOU and ME might have a CHANCE, huh? Ha HA HA HA... Just TEASE'n...

    It is Always NICE to SEE NEW Faces.

    WELCOME!!!!


    Be GOOD and Be NICE


    ~~ Tone

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 21, 2005 at 08:27 AM


    Two things......

    Sentory, I don't think people "fall" in love much anyway. Most times love grows like drips of water in a cup...and at some point it overflows.

    And Cyup....if you don't have some idea you will have a heck of a time sorting everything out. The key is to have the idea of what you want and then be willing to be a little flexible. But everyone has non negotiable things they want (and need) and I don't think they should change those.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 20, 2005 at 10:15 PM



    cyupanqui write:
    Is knowing what you want a good thing at all? Isn't it closed minded if you focus only on one possibility and leave all others out without any further consideration?

    Isn't always knowing what s/he wants the trademark of the fanatic?



    I kinda get what you're saying... But I think generally people have pretty Broad wants... I think a person who would be considered fanatical would be the one who has every small detail figured out.

    Ex) I want a Japanese woman, 5'2" , 105 pounds, Shoulder length dark brown hair, Peirced ears No more than one per Lobe, Etc etc.. You get the Picture. We all have a general Idea of what we are looking for.

    I think being in control is only an illusion to help you cope with it all. Inorder to hold on to these controls you are only fighting against your goals... I believe that inorder to truly get what you want you have to "Go With the FLow" You have to be willing to LET GO of the controls and allow nature to take it's course.

    Then maybe it won't seem like women don't know what they want. LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 20, 2005 at 06:33 PM


    [No need to look any further. Please get in touch.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 20, 2005 at 04:07 PM



    cyupanqui write:
    Is knowing what you want a good thing at all? Isn't it closed minded if you focus only on one possibility and leave all others out without any further consideration?

    Isn't always knowing what s/he wants the trademark of the fanatic?


    You make a great point. (I'm trying to figure out the right way to say what I am thinking) But still there is an element of being true to ones self that comes into play for me. There are certain things I have come to appreciate and enjoy and will always look for especially in a man. I try to be open and sometimes allow people in (I am not speaking philosopically, this is in the real). But I find I want the things I want. And when I get the things I desire I find myself a much happier person. But I will allow the occasional change to slip through just because it helps to sometimes diversify, but whenever I do, I miss what I miss. I do know what I want. But perhaps that hasn't always been true of me in the past. But in the here and now I have clarity of mind. Does that make me a fanatic? I don't know. But I will tell you this... I feel in control of my own destiny for the first time in my life and it feels good!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 16, 2005 at 03:40 PM


    Is knowing what you want a good thing at all? Isn't it closed minded if you focus only on one possibility and leave all others out without any further consideration?

    Isn't always knowing what s/he wants the trademark of the fanatic?
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 12:33 PM


    My two cents here is that a person's wants change over time. Certain basic needs such as belonging, giving and recieving love, self-esteem and security are inherent in both males and females. I think once security is established the pressure of day to day living subsides. Look at New Orleans for example, when a person looses their sense of security, their personality completely changes.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 31, 2005 at 10:02 PM


    woman are very intelligent
    and the really know what they want
    that s for sure
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 28, 2005 at 01:10 PM



    Silver1944 write:
    Excellent post, Sentory and I agree with you completely.



    Thank you Silver,

    It's why we guys think women don't know what they want...

    I also have a friend that I have mentioned earlier.. She told me that she likes the "bad boy".. But when she describes what she wants it's opposite of what she goes after.
    Some of you say you want a bad boy cause of the "excitement"... You want that WILD Mustang. Then you complain he won't give a pony ride.
    But let me tell you that the BEST is that "Nice GUY" that can be Baaaad too (if you know what I mean.) It's always the quiet ones... as the ole saying goes.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 28, 2005 at 10:42 AM



    Sentoryu279 write:
    My last significant relationship lasted nearly 3 years. Funny thing was when we first met She said she was not particularly attracted to me nor was I to her.

    Some of you talk about Chemistry. I agree that two people should have that attraction.

    Don't be an impatient Chemist. I am sure some people have been inside a chemistry lab a time or two. Some reactions are Instant and Some take time to react. Most of the time those Instant reactions are the ones that end quickly. Then you have those reactions that Take time but they sustain a reaction over a long period of time or untill you add something in the mix to end it.

    The point is you can't rush things and think of all the REACTIONS you are passing over just cause they are not INSTANT.



    Good point Sentoryu.
    Too often one or both of the "lab partners" try to add a catalyst without taking into consideration the possible reactions catalysts can cause.

    ^ ^
    0-0
    ..
    __
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 27, 2005 at 08:00 AM


    My last significant relationship lasted nearly 3 years. Funny thing was when we first met She said she was not particularly attracted to me nor was I to her.

    Some of you talk about Chemistry. I agree that two people should have that attraction.

    Don't be an impatient Chemist. I am sure some people have been inside a chemistry lab a time or two. Some reactions are Instant and Some take time to react. Most of the time those Instant reactions are the ones that end quickly. Then you have those reactions that Take time but they sustain a reaction over a long period of time or untill you add something in the mix to end it.

    The point is you can't rush things and think of all the REACTIONS you are passing over just cause they are not INSTANT.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 21, 2005 at 03:00 AM



    waterlady write:

    there was this real homely guy that sat near the back. The first time I met him I thought smart guy.....shame he is alone. At this time I also felt no attraction to this man. After a time though...his responses to questions were so intelligent and his nature kind and caring that I found the more time I spent with him the more attractive I found him. Too often we don't take time to allow a "spark" to fly. We rule people out and refuse dates on little information. There is a world of people out there to love.


    That's happened to me. I agree with you.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 19, 2005 at 10:57 AM



    Sentoryu279 write:
    On one hand I understand the apparent frustrations of the author...

    I have a friend right now who says to me what she WANTS ( which is EXACTLY me down to the last detail) So why didn't she take her chance when she had it? Because what she says she wants and what she goes for are totally different. Too many times women Know what they want But Go after a guy and try to CHANGE them into what they want... (NEWS FLASH this will not work) So it would seem that women don't know what they want....


    Love is not about finding that PERFECT person, but Finding an imperfect person to be PERFECT.

    BTW there is no love lost between my friend and I cause she is TOO impatient and bossy LOL


    I feel for you and your friend. (am glad that you stayed friends and no longer want her) The real problem I think comes down to chemistry and our own impatience. So many times on here I see men looking for pics to ascertain whether or not they find a woman attractive. The funny thing about attraction is that it can have little to do with looks and alot to do with pheremones and the person.
    A case in point...I was going to med school and there was this real homely guy that sat near the back. The fist time I met him I thought smart guy.....shame he is alone. At this time I also felt no attraction to this man. After a time though...his responses to questions were so intelligent and his nature kind and caring that I found the more time I spent with him the more attractive I found him. Too often we don't take time to allow a "spark" to fly. We rule people out and refuse dates on little information. There is a world of people out there to love. I say give everyone a chance and have your list of "must have's" handy so that you know you are basing your decision on what you want long term. Or just plain get real with yourself and continue on your superfiscial roaming and still never find what you are looking for.
    I think your friend might now better know what she wants if she has passed it up once already. We all learn as soon as we mature what it is we really need from a life partner.
    Good luck all and stay positive!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 16, 2005 at 12:59 PM


    Hi Waterlady! Welcome!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 16, 2005 at 03:01 AM


    I want I want I want EVERYTHING.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 15, 2005 at 08:43 PM


    I, for one, have always known what I want. I am just too darn tired to go out and look because I am soooo busy most of the time. The things I enjoy the most tend to be things you do alone....I know my guy is at home just like me.....hence why I tried this. :)

    Nice to see all the different opinions...have to admit I really enojed reading this post...almost as much as the laughter one.!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 15, 2005 at 11:38 AM


    On one hand I understand the apparent frustrations of the author...

    Speaking from personal experience... I think it's just that Men and women speak different languages in certain cases... I am a listener, I hear what my female friends SAY they want... (I take notes too) I hear what my sisters complain about men (and I learn from other guys mistakes) So having said that I should then beable to figure out what a woman wants as well as what she doesn't want. Ha ha, but it's not that simple...

    I hear a woman say she wants a Guy who is sensitive to her needs, Who treats her like an equal and not like an object, someone who talks to her and is cocerned about what is on HER mind. I mean the list goes on and as I go through it I find that Much of what women want from a man is what I want from a woman... So we are not all that different after all....

    BUT... Why then are women seemingly always with someone totally opposite from what they WANT? I am constantly consoling my friends or my sisters over a man and what he DIDN'T do or The awful things he did... So from a 3rd point of view it would seem that WOMEN don't really know what they want.

    I have a friend right now who says to me what she WANTS ( which is EXACTLY me down to the last detail) So why didn't she take her chance when she had it? Because what she says she wants and what she goes for are totally different. Too many times women Know what they want But Go after a guy and try to CHANGE them into what they want... (NEWS FLASH this will not work) So it would seem that women don't know what they want....

    So when a guy asks this question again take a look at the situation from a 3rd party POV and try to understand WHY we sometimes think this way.

    I am sure women say the same thing about guys. Too often we are trying to find that PERFECT person... (THEY DON'T EXIST and this is coming from an idealist) How many times has that person that could complete you been right there infront of you, but you were too busy looking for perfection?

    Love is not about finding that PERFECT person, but Finding an imperfect person to be PERFECT.

    BTW there is no love lost between my friend and I cause she is TOO impatient and bossy LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 13, 2005 at 11:09 AM



    bcaltd write:
    Arabian Queen...you have to learn to discern the wheat from the chaff...Our society tends to breed insecurities, hence, your friend needed the satisfaction of knowing that you were still interested in him...once you bite the bait, he had what he needed to survive another day. Be true to yourself...try to see what's in front of you and not what you want to see.



    EXACTLY. Constant and daily affirmation that "he is loved and lovable". Insecurity runs deep. Kinda like a person who always makes you feel guilty about something, ANYTHING for them to feel they "have" you.
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