Is it true most caucasian men... Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2005 at 09:05 AM


    I would have to agree. The pressures from society, family, tradition etc. unfortunately play a large role in who/what we look for in a mate.
    Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. For me, it does not matter what "race, color or creed" and it goes beyond the outward appearance. I will be the first to admit that men are definately visually stimulated and that outward beauty plays a significant part in the begining. But for those of us who have "been there", we have the maturity to realize that a "trophy wife" is one who will love you and stand tall by your side when all of your chips are down and you have nothing more to give but the love that you have for her in the first place. It is a matter of what is in the heart! Can you stimulate me mentally, emotionally, etc. in addition to physically?? Personally, I dont care for the "barbie doll"...I have found that they are way too high maintenance in a relationship. Where are all the good women? Have the men in this society totally destroyed thier faith in us??? Believe me ladies...there are still a few of us out there that look way beyond the outer appearance and are looking for that "soulmate"...that one woman who will love us no matter what! Who will laugh with us, cry with us, feel comfortable enough in the relationship to disagree and to have her own opinion on things, to love the "special outtings" in addition to the every day.
    Like it was said earlier, we all have our opinions and this one happens to be mine. ;)
    Best of luck to all!

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 27, 2005 at 03:59 AM


    No, I do not believe this, Looks are important but only a part of what I would want, in honesty you must be attracted to eachother,Then you have to have stuff in common do you like the same things to do?, third, respect for eachother, it doesnt matter who I am with, this is what I look for.

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 19, 2005 at 07:08 PM



    Sentoryu279 write:
    I once knew a woman who thought the "N" word was a form of flattery. When she was refered to as a "N" lover she boasted YES ABSOLUTELY....She commonly refered to her Self as a "N" lover... Boy, was she surprised when she found out the truth....
    I also remember a time when I was More innocent... My Best friend had the forsite to tell me what an O.rgasm was. (Mind you his definition was way off and his example involved choking on a piece of Chicken...) Imagine my Mother's surprise when I came home from school oneday and told my Mom How I had saved a girl from Having an O.rgasm by giving her the heiniken Movement.... Needless to say that is still a story told around the ThanksGiving Day Table....
    Point is.. The term is not a POSITIVE term no matter how you wish to try and swing it. I didn't make up the word nor did I define it... It just is, What it is....
    There is a DIFFERENCE between what a woman is preceived as and what she is actually involved in.

    A woman who is in a relationship equally and treated as an equal and not as an object IS NOT a trophy wife.

    A woman who knowingly accepts being a TROPHY WIFE/ GF has some self Esteem Issues. Maybe some women are into EMPTY relationships... Or maybe they are just as shallow as the man they are involved with... But eithway they have some issues with how they feel about their self. and Their Self Worth.

    It would be wise to understand this cause you may inadvertantly insult a woman by refering to her as a trophy wife... Maybe you mean well, but you would typically offend someone by using this term that way.

    Treat a woman Like a QUEEN not Like a TROPHY.....


    A lot of what you say is true. Having never ever been treated like a trophy wife or girlfriend I wouldn't know. But still there are people in those types of relationships and perhaps they are unhappy and just not showing it... I don't know. This may be a case where the grass looks greener on the otherside for me. I don't know. I still wouldn't mind having that kind of treatment..... I like the queen idea. Yes that would do just as nicely. So perhaps a paradigm shift is in order.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 17, 2005 at 08:43 PM


    I once knew a woman who thought the "N" word was a form of flattery. When she was refered to as a "N" lover she boasted YES ABSOLUTELY....She commonly refered to her Self as a "N" lover... Boy, was she surprised when she found out the truth....
    I also remember a time when I was More innocent... My Best friend had the forsite to tell me what an O.rgasm was. (Mind you his definition was way off and his example involved choking on a piece of Chicken...) Imagine my Mother's surprise when I came home from school oneday and told my Mom How I had saved a girl from Having an O.rgasm by giving her the heiniken Movement.... Needless to say that is still a story told around the ThanksGiving Day Table....
    Point is.. The term is not a POSITIVE term no matter how you wish to try and swing it. I didn't make up the word nor did I define it... It just is, What it is....
    There is a DIFFERENCE between what a woman is preceived as and what she is actually involved in.

    A woman who is in a relationship equally and treated as an equal and not as an object IS NOT a trophy wife.

    A woman who knowingly accepts being a TROPHY WIFE/ GF has some self Esteem Issues. Maybe some women are into EMPTY relationships... Or maybe they are just as shallow as the man they are involved with... But eithway they have some issues with how they feel about their self. and Their Self Worth.

    It would be wise to understand this cause you may inadvertantly insult a woman by refering to her as a trophy wife... Maybe you mean well, but you would typically offend someone by using this term that way.

    Treat a woman Like a QUEEN not Like a TROPHY.....
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 17, 2005 at 07:26 AM


    Sentoryu279 write:

    wolvarine write:


    WELL PUT!

    Trophy Wife does not = Beautiful wife.
    Think of what a TROPHY is in the first place. It is not a person it is an OBJECT. Does it have an opinion? NO Does it have it's own life? NO! ........


    I have never heard the term 'trophy' wife used in such negative terms before. Most women I know that have married like NBA stars who they whisper are trophy wives are quite happy. So I am speaking from a woman's point of view, having a girlfriend that married off into that. Because if you are the woman that is being referred to no matter what people say about the term you culd be quite happy. So I wasn't really concerned with the label itself or what other people were thinking. But I understand you are speaking from the other view. But if I was on the inside looking out none of those things would matter to me. And no I am not obseesing over anything I am simply stating my views. Not that your views are not valid. But I would never care about what people said about me. And yes I did read all of the data written here, so I understood what was being said.... but if you are that woman it takes on a whole nother dimension.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 16, 2005 at 10:35 AM



    wolvarine write:

    you seem to be obssessing over the point that in your opinion, all beautiful women are generally considered "trophy wives" which is not true at all, it all stems from the motives of the husband in question...

    if you would've read the posts without using your own preconceived notions, you would've seen that not ALL beautiful women are considered "trophy wives", just as not ALL "trophy wives" are beautiful...

    I seriously doubt many would consider Halle Berry a "bubble headed trophy wife" (as coco put it), which makes your analogy pretty ridiculous, you can keep believing that I "took the bait", when in reality you should've used someone else for your analogy...

    you seem to be ignoring everyone elses opinions on the matter because of some convoluted point you are trying to make, the fact remains that a "trophy wife" is not a term of endearment or affection like you want to perceive it to be, it is quite a derogatory reference to most...



    WELL PUT!

    Trophy Wife does not = Beautiful wife.
    Think of what a TROPHY is in the first place. It is not a person it is an OBJECT. Does it have an opinion? NO Does it have it's own life? NO! A trophy is mainly the persons BRAGGING RIGHTS after they WIN something. A trophy has no mind of it's own. They Dust it off and shine it up Only when other people are looking. It's a show piece... That is ALL. Arm Candy.
    IT IS NOT A GOOD THING.
    What happens to the Trophy when the novelty wears off? At best it collects dust on a shelf while the OWNER goes out and wins another trophy. Worst it is thrown in some box and placed in storage NEVER to be seen again...
    Or even thrown out with the garbage

    All the women I have dated were BEAUTIFUL, Intellegent, Sweet, the Whole 10 yards and NOT ONE have I ever considered a TROPHY and that is not a PUT DOWN to them it is a COMPLIMENT.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2005 at 04:36 PM


    Exactly as Marley, Wolvarine, and others state it IS a derogatory term. And Coco's question does have merit. At times race DOES come into it. Before you disagree do a search on the term.

    Almost all places will talk about a young woman to make the older rich man look good. And also will talk about her being a bimbo.

    but some/many talk about how the 'trophy wife' sleeps with the pool-boy when the husband is away. And also is constantly after black men to satisfy her urges! WOW!

    They are saying she is so deprived that she will even debase herself to have s3x with a black man. Yes, that is very heavy sarcasm.

    Not a pleasant term. I don't think you can compare it to a couple in love where the husband proudly shows off his beautiful wife.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2005 at 02:00 PM


    Trophy wife, to me, assumes that I am rich and paying a woman to make me look better. First of all I'm not rich so no worries there, and second if I did have a trophy wife that would mean I was a wuss unable to get a woman because of who I am. I had crushes on black girls my whole life, but it wasn't until adulthood that I was able to see through all the lies of racism. Thank God I did. I want to marry and have children with a Black Woman someday. I'm don't want to make a statement with her, I want to make a life with her. But if she is superficial and looking for money then maybe she should find a loser white man to give her money, my girl will get my heart, no less.

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2005 at 07:52 AM



    wolvarine write:

    you seem to be obssessing over the point that in your opinion, all beautiful women are generally considered "trophy wives" which is not true at all, it all stems from the motives of the husband in question...

    if you would've read the posts without using your own preconceived notions, you would've seen that not ALL beautiful women are considered "trophy wives", just as not ALL "trophy wives" are beautiful...

    I seriously doubt many would consider Halle Berry a "bubble headed trophy wife" (as coco put it), which makes your analogy pretty ridiculous, you can keep believing that I "took the bait", when in reality you should've used someone else for your analogy...

    you seem to be ignoring everyone elses opinions on the matter because of some convoluted point you are trying to make, the fact remains that a "trophy wife" is not a term of endearment or affection like you want to perceive it to be, it is quite a derogatory reference to most...



    Touche Wolv. I would find it offensive, as though I had nothing else to offer, except a superficial shell to compliment a man's ego.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 14, 2005 at 01:56 PM



    Diana007 wrote:

    Exactly! Yes she can! But some people will undoubtedly believe that! It just goes to say that people will always believe whatever they want to believe. So it's best to just live your life and not worry about what people say!

    Glad someone took the bait!

    For the record I think every woman should have the chance at happiness without 'fear' of labels. Just because she may be beautiful. That in itself is prejudice and demeaning. Which is why women starve themselves so that they can wear a size 1 and worse. I say don't worry about what people say 'Be happy!' That's my motto.

    you seem to be obssessing over the point that in your opinion, all beautiful women are generally considered "trophy wives" which is not true at all, it all stems from the motives of the husband in question...

    if you would've read the posts without using your own preconceived notions, you would've seen that not ALL beautiful women are considered "trophy wives", just as not ALL "trophy wives" are beautiful...

    I seriously doubt many would consider Halle Berry a "bubble headed trophy wife" (as coco put it), which makes your analogy pretty ridiculous, you can keep believing that I "took the bait", when in reality you should've used someone else for your analogy...

    you seem to be ignoring everyone elses opinions on the matter because of some convoluted point you are trying to make, the fact remains that a "trophy wife" is not a term of endearment or affection like you want to perceive it to be, it is quite a derogatory reference to most...
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 14, 2005 at 12:10 PM



    cocoabutter415 write:
    I understand but I can definitely pull a difference from southern cal and northern. People are a lot more shallow in souther cal, that's not to say people who were born and raised in Northern call can't be shallow, it's just we are not as consumed with feeding into media image as southern california is. I've lived in southern cali, so I'm not "disrespecting" it. But every place has it's differences and that's the diffrence between our north and south.



    It's probably true that region can play a part in how the general public acts and reacts in different regions. And it is definitely true that there are alot more superficail people in so cal. BUT because we are more heavily populated, it might seem we have more than our fair share of them. But to be fair, we have more average down to earth people as well due to population. I will bite my tongue on the couple no. cal. men I met. I'm sure there are normal men there too.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 14, 2005 at 07:08 AM



    jdavis123 write:
    Here are a few dictionary definitions.

    A trophy wife refers to a marriage pattern in Western society in which some men marry attractive women as a form of display intended to exhibit their wealth and success to others.
    wikipia:
    Often rich and successful men who follow this pattern divorce their first wives, often with a generous divorce settlement, and then marry a second much younger woman. In many cases this pattern is repeated with subsequent wives. This marriage pattern is of interest to anthropologists because is can be seen as a form of serial monogamy and is analogous to patterns of polygamy in other societies.

    trophy wife noun
    A derogatory expression for a wife regarded as a status symbol for her husband.
    _Tropht wife_ as a dimissive term for the young and attractive wife of an older man is recorded from the late eighties. The _trophy wife_ is seen essentialy as a BABE or BIMBO who has married a successful older man, often as his secopnd wife; through the marriage she gains access to his wealth, and he gains the status of a man whose power, and by implication sexual prowess, are displayed by his acquisition of a young and attractive woman.
    These trophy wives make the fifty- and sixty-year-old CEOs feel they can compete sexually with younger men, the kind of ego boost that doesn't hurt when going up against Young Turks at the office. --Oliver Goldsmith _The First Wives' Club_ (1992), p. 126
    From _The Oxford Dictionary of New Words_ (1998)


    So I'm not sure if this is something that still appeals to anyone.




    VERY WELL PUT !!! SO THE WOMAN WHO THINK THEY ARE TROPHY'S, ITS REALLY NOT A GOOD THING..LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 13, 2005 at 01:00 PM


    Here are a few dictionary definitions.

    A trophy wife refers to a marriage pattern in Western society in which some men marry attractive women as a form of display intended to exhibit their wealth and success to others.
    wikipia:
    Often rich and successful men who follow this pattern divorce their first wives, often with a generous divorce settlement, and then marry a second much younger woman. In many cases this pattern is repeated with subsequent wives. This marriage pattern is of interest to anthropologists because is can be seen as a form of serial monogamy and is analogous to patterns of polygamy in other societies.

    trophy wife noun
    A derogatory expression for a wife regarded as a status symbol for her husband.
    _Tropht wife_ as a dimissive term for the young and attractive wife of an older man is recorded from the late eighties. The _trophy wife_ is seen essentialy as a BABE or BIMBO who has married a successful older man, often as his secopnd wife; through the marriage she gains access to his wealth, and he gains the status of a man whose power, and by implication sexual prowess, are displayed by his acquisition of a young and attractive woman.
    These trophy wives make the fifty- and sixty-year-old CEOs feel they can compete sexually with younger men, the kind of ego boost that doesn't hurt when going up against Young Turks at the office. --Oliver Goldsmith _The First Wives' Club_ (1992), p. 126
    From _The Oxford Dictionary of New Words_ (1998)


    So I'm not sure if this is something that still appeals to anyone.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 13, 2005 at 09:48 AM


    A trophy wife to me is someone who I love and think is beautiful, And someone who thinks I'm their trophy man. There are many different looks and there are many ways beauty comes out in a woman, so I would think we all have different opinions. I would think Diana is beautiful and someone else would think shes not. I really wouldnt care what other peoples opinions are. but then again, i dont think i have ever dated or married a bad looking woman.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 12, 2005 at 08:46 PM


    TROPHY WIFE, BLACK WOMAN, WHITE WOMAN and all such things are what we call preferences. And everyone has them. If a guy's preference is that he wants a 'TROPHY WIFE'. In my opinion it carries the same weight as a guy that says I only date black women because. And the reason I say this is because they have made up in their mind that they want what they want for a certain reason. It's the same thing as with a TROPHY WIFE. It is simply that person's preference. Just because I don't hold it against a person for having a certain preference that is not your average preference doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just their preference, that is all. And whether lots of people agree or disagre it really doesn't matter, because that person will live their life in the manner that they deem appropirate because it is their life.

    *** Now can I please find me a guy looking for a trophy wife!

    (Sorry guys I am just having too much fun with this topic!)

    Which is why I will never be one, maybe I'm too smart (not to imply that trophy wives are dumb) ... do you think if I dye my hair blond and put in the light brown contacts I'd be more convincing?????
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 12, 2005 at 08:28 PM



    wolvarine write:

    why wouldn't that be possible...? just because she's beautiful, famous and wealthy doesn't mean she's can't truly be loved by a white man, or any man for that matter...


    Exactly! Yes she can! But some people will undoubtedly believe that! It just goes to say that people will always believe whatever they want to believe. So it's best to just live your life and not worry about what people say!

    Glad someone took the bait!

    For the record I think every woman should have the chance at happiness without 'fear' of labels. Just because she may be beautiful. That in itself is prejudice and demeaning. Which is why women starve themselves so that they can wear a size 1 and worse. I say don't worry about what people say 'Be happy!' That's my motto.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 12, 2005 at 08:14 PM



    angeleyes323 write:
    My Idea of a trophy wife is a woman who is used for the purpose of showing off. If this is the case then how can a man care about you? It is a shallow kind of relationship so no good roots can really come from it.

    You have to know that your foundadtion/Soil is good when planting seeds of love.
    Diana, I am new here but did I misunderstand what you said? Did you say that you don't care if you are a Trophy? Do you really think that he would grow to love you? I think you are fooling yourself if you really think that.


    I would never marry unless it was for love. There are different levels of love and different ways to love. And not everyone is capable of loving you in the same way as you may love them. My opinion of a trophy wife will definately differ from your opinion, no doubt! I said if my man wanted to bestow all of those things on me, sure go ahead! I deserve it! Rather or not two people love each other is only something that couple can answer. Remember everyone else is on the outside looking in. So I never worry about what people think about the relationships I have. So yes if I guy wanted to make me his trophy wife and as long as we were both OK with it, whose business is it really? I have worked my whole life. It would sure be refreshing to me to get a freaking break. He can call me whatever he wants to. Trust me if I find someone that wonderful to me I wont care what other people classify it as or what they believe. I make my own future. Have my own beliefs. People will always have something to say about you, so I am well used to it. What's one more thing?
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 11, 2005 at 11:24 PM


    My Idea of a trophy wife is a woman who is used for the purpose of showing off. If this is the case then how can a man care about you? It is a shallow kind of relationship so no good roots can really come from it.

    You have to know that your foundadtion/Soil is good when planting seeds of love.
    Diana, I am new here but did I misunderstand what you said? Did you say that you don't care if you are a Trophy? Do you really think that he would grow to love you? I think you are fooling yourself if you really think that.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 10, 2005 at 09:40 PM



    Diana007 wrote:
    If a white guy married Halle Berry do you think he'd be marrying her for love?

    why wouldn't that be possible...? just because she's beautiful, famous and wealthy doesn't mean she's can't truly be loved by a white man, or any man for that matter...
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 11:34 PM



    Diana007 write:
    No guy will ever admit to marrying a trophy wife. Besides love can grow anywhere if it's nutured properly. That's why I said I wish my guy would come to me and I don't really care what his perceptions of me may be... Just give me half a chance. And I believe anyone would be open and receptive to this. Men and women have been known to change. Love can work miracles.

    I can be your trophy wife!

    I can be your super woman!

    Whatever!

    It's all an opportunity which at least gives you a chance. Else women would never go through painful surgeries and the like.

    We just want to be loved we don't care what it looks like on the outside or what people say!



    I am not trying to change the way you think. I am merely disagreeing with you as you have made some statements that concern me. This is coming from a Mans POV and you can take it for what it's worth. There is NO malice here.

    You stated that No man would admit to having a trophy wife... But they Do. I have known SEVERAL guys that openly admit that the obvious reason they are with their GF or Wife is NOT for her Brains...( how can he truly love her?)

    Wether it is said VERBALLY or by obvious behavior it is said, you just have to see it.

    I can understand how you might view a "Trophy" as something of value to someone... But generally my advice to you is stay away from a man who wants you as a trophy...Because his sense of value is different... He values you as braging rights or something to flaunt around... After the novelty wears off then you are placed on the shelf to collect dust.

    I am the first to say that LOVE conquers all, but the KEY is that Love must EXIST on BOTH Sides for this to happen. You should NEVER subject yourself to a relationship where you are not loved.
    Never get involved with someone in hopes of changing them...YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE. Not Even GOD can change a man's/ Woman's heart.... that is what my Mom always told me. Very wise words IMO...You are only setting yourself up for failure.

    You make sure you are receiving what you give out or you will lose yourself and that is not a good thing.


    I suppose if being a trophy is your thing... that is fine... If you know it's a shallow relationship then all the better...

    If you have a man that adores you and you adore him... That is FAR from a TROPHY relationship... THAT is just plain good ole fashioned LOVE
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