To be honest there have been a couple of occasions where I have been in a store with a black gal ringing me out, and we were, from all appearances both very much flirting... we were both smiling really big, very friendly tones and glances... and well I was just afraid she would turn me down because I was white. One in particular I thought was so hot, I kick myself to this day.
I live in a small town in deep south. Interracial dating is quite foreign to black women here and I do not care about race. The only women I have dated and approach here are black. We appreciate each other and its very delightful.
I noticed from the few times I have asked out Black women, and the comment was made above that the Black women expected me to act like a Black man. This is in regard to culture not race in that each culture has its own subset of slang and trends since I am white and do not know a lot of this and it causes some communication problems. In short it takes more work to start a relationship because of the cultural differences and this is intimidating. However I know it is worth it just I am still hoping to find a women of color to share my life with.
The issue is not that White men are afraid to ask black women out on dates, but most white men have a few concerns that weigh heavy on the choice to date black women. I have observed this dynamic closely for years. Typically, most white men do not prefer to date black women, and allow me to explain.
1. Men are men no matter the race and with that said White men or Black men usually look at women as either a quick booty call or potential girlfriend. The sad truth is that Most -- and notice I am generalizing here -- most white men would have sex with a black women, but they do not necessarily want to date a black woman.
2. White men consider the social stigma about dating black women. If a white man has his finances in order, he will typically be skeptical about just dating any women that will hurt his social power. This is especially true about dating a black woman. The exception typically is a black woman outside of the United states. Most white men and black men do not view black women from other countries as the same with black woman for the states. The sad truth is that black woman in America have been painted with a negative stereotype -- this is unfortunate.
I am a black man and I have several white male friends from around the world and I notice that my white male friends are attracted to black women (or any woman of any race that's attractive). The white male friends that I have met from Europe or countries outside the states don't mind dating black women and they do not seem to have the same view on interracial dating as my white male friends from the states.
I think black woman should consider dating men from other nationalities. Their is a very big world, so do not settle.
I travel and date all sorts of women -- from the U.S. and other countries. I love all women no matter the color.
i'm white and my african-american girlfriend and i just broke up... actually the relationship was challanging, she had a strong sense of her race (graduated from Howard UNIV)...some of her friends, were against her dating me ( I was also much older)... to be honest the realtionship was hard...BUT NOT because she was black !! What i do appreicate or noticed about black women is that- They are more direct, more naturally at ease with themselves, a natuarly beauty(not made up) with strong emotions ( attractive for me)... My point is...Im ready to try again :)
I think the problem with Black women dating interracially is that they expect men of other races to communicate in a similar fashion as Black men. If you are expecting that then you will continue to be disapointed and wondering why White or other are not approaching you. Black men tend to be very aggressive toward the women they are attracted to. From being the first person to say hello and introduce himself to going so far as to chase you down the street. Whatever they do you will know it within minutes of meeting them. I find this an endearing trait, I must say. If it's done in a charming manner.
However, it will not be the same with men of other races unless we are talking certain parts of Europe, Austrialia and other area abroad where they tend to be openly attracted to Black women and less shy about their feelings. To them you are a beautiful woman not a beautiful Black women that may or may not be into White guys. I want a man who doesn't care if I'm into White guys or not, all he knows is that he wants me and is going to get my attention.
You do not have to ask a White guy out. EVER! You just simmply need to go where the White men are and put yourself in a position to interact with them. Smile, give eye contact and compliment them on their tie or something. Don't be intimidated and afraid of what people will think or what he will think of you. You might feel more comfortable if it's a place where the enviroment is relaxed. You are more prone to smile more.
My initial encounters with White American men tend to be quiet with some light flirtation or conversation. It tends to be in a workplace or school. The first White guy to ask me out was in college and the next was at work. Both asked me out and I had good experiences.
There was an Austrialian guy with his group of friends in town. We were buying something in a store. (Personally I find meeting men in stores to be off putting. Everyone is in a hurry and it just feels like stranger danger.) They were a boisterous group and one took a liking to me. He was staring and making noises to get my attention with his friend saying he was in love. He was my type, tall, dark hair light eyes and foriegn. Well I guess I got scared and didn't like that much of a fuss because I scurried off like a frightened doe. Part of me was hoping he would break off from his friends and introduce himself. But alas this was before I recognized the differences in Black vs. White/other men and the approach. No running down the street to get a womans attention, I guess it's a matter of self respect.
If you don't catch their interest within the time you are in each others presence move on. There are others. Let them look, some men just like to look. It's the one who asks you out that is showing that he is truly interested.
I realise i've come into this conversation a little late, but I simply cannot resist giving my opinion from personal experience and general observation. Where I come from (Johannesburg, South Africa) the first problem that white guys have to deal with when contimplating asking a black girl out is the backlash from other white boys (especially his friends)because as a society South Africa still struggles with racial integration, so the thought of being ostracised by his "boys" is enough to put white boys off. I have very beautiful sisters who seem to attract the attention of white guys. But one of them told me that her friend (a white guy) said he wants to date her but his boys would "disown him". They were still at varsity then, and even when I was at varsity (a place where young people are more open to different life experiences) there were hardly any black girl/white boy relationships. Of the few that I did see, the black girl was very very fair (light skinned)which I suppose "softened" her up a bit and made her more "acceptable" for the white boy's friends.
Another problem that white guys face is backlash from society in general. My younger cousin (also very beautiful young girl)has been with her boyfriend (a white guy)for four years now and she tells me that the only problem they struggle with in their relationship are the judgemental stares they get when they're out in public holding hands or making out. For some white guys (or anyone in an interracial relationship) that can be hard to deal with so they don't even bother!
Then lastly, white guys this side simply have NO frame of reference regarding black girls and what they're like. I mean, until 15 years ago (when the first democratic elections took place and the races were forced to integrate)the only contact white guys had with black women was with their maid. So while they may see beautiful, smart, financially independent and upwardly mobile black women in corporate South Africa and other social contexts as well; in their mind breaking down stereotyes (of the black maid and connotations attached to that) is just too much effort. So the black woman remains an enigma to them. If only they knew what they were missing out on...
So essentially; these experiences really depend on the social setting in which they occur. We cannot generalise the reasons that white guys don't ask black girls out because the reasons differ and are very contextual.
1. From what I've read, black men's penises tend to be just about as long when soft as when hard. Whereas white men's penises tend to be a LOT bigger hard than soft. So even if both races have roughly the same size penises when hard, the black guys sure put on a better show in the locker room at the school or gym. This will intimidate some white guys, who don't think they can measure up. This sort of explains why white guys aren't as afraid to approach a black woman who somehow gives the impression she's been hanging out with white guys and not black guys for a while...it gives the impression she doesn't care about huge penises or doesn't have much experience with them.
2. Too many TV shows "Jerry Springer" "Maury" etc. show lots of the sterotypical "angry loud black woman" who's very aggressive and demeaning. If you watch these shows enough, you might become hesitant to approach a black woman you don't know, for fear she might get angry for coming on to her. I'd advise black women that if they see a white guy they like, to smile and ask some innocent question like "Do you know what time it is?" or "Do you know where Maple Street is?" Once the ice is broken, and the guy sees that you're nice, he's probably much more likely to show interest. The ask-an-innocent-question-to-break-the-ice approach can also be used by white guys to break the ice.
I am not and never been afraid to ask Black women out. I was married to a black woman for 10 years and she too me is the ultimate. The only problems we had was black men cornering her being verbally abusive about how she was this and that hoe for being with a white guy. She would tell them to go talk to me. Not one ever did.
I live in the deep South and even though there is still a lot of racism I dont have a problem with it and interracial dating is becoming more accepted. Everyone has their preferences. Culturally I prefer someone who has a different perspective and experiences than I do. That guides my choices.
I see a loooot of sweeping generalizations going on in this thread.
It's a generalization to say that a black woman will be ostricized by her family and or community/friends.
It's a generalization to say that a white man should expect some sort of VIOLENT retaliation for being with a black woman.
It's a generalization to say that white men, overall, are afraid to approach a black woman.
I've not experienced any of that across the board. Do I have friends who don't understand my preference? ABSOLUTELY. But you know what? I've never had any of them give me a hard time about it. Maybe I should feel lucky, but I expect no less from people I consider friends.
My family has never had a problem with my dating preference. I have five brothers and three sisters, all but two of those siblings have dated at least at SOME point interracially. The two brothers who haven't, simply prefer black women, which is just fine by me. I know they would PREFER me as their sister to date within my own race, but again, they have never given me a moment's grief about it. They are respectful enough to keep their opinions and preferences to themselves.
No we're not afraid of black women!! We just fear that your friends and relatives will try to snap our necks if we come too close to you! Dating a black women (if you're white) will most likely get you into some sort of trouble. The problem might be her parents, it might be her brother, it might be her friends, it might be her cousin, it might be a couple of drunk black guys on a saturday night, it might be a white racist, it might even be your own family and friends! It's most likely that someone you or she knows will not approve your relationship! That's why white men often stays away from black women!
I think black women are beautiful. But unfortunately, you're forbidden fruits. The consequences of tasting you can be hard felt! Every white man knows that if he's going for a black women he's going for trouble aswell!
I agree! Last night, I was walking in wal-mart and there was a REALLY attractive caucasian guy looking at me. He was checking me out the entire time I walked past him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was too afraid to get out of line and approch me.
I wonder if I am unknowingly sending out signals so that men (both black and white) are hesitant to approach me. My preference in dating is WM, due to my own personal experience, but I have nothing against BM, just not my cup of tea at this point. I do consider myself to be an attractive woman, but by nature am not they type of woman to approach a man first, even when I do see what I like. Perhaps I need to study up on body language or something to get the ball rolling.