Are white men just afraid to ask black women out? INFO CONCERNING BLACK PEOPLE Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Mar 10, 2007 at 03:19 PM


    I'm new to this site so I'm sorry if this topic has been discussed. It's just something that bothers me so much. It just seems that most white guys don't think black women like them so they never try and what could be wonderful opportunities are lost. Does anybody else notice this?

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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 09, 2016 at 07:40 AM


    I have noticed it. I've noticed both WM and BW being far more nervous to approach each other than members of their own race even when they were equally interested, for fear of rejection.

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 28, 2013 at 03:16 PM


    Funny thing is I joined few dating site on the internet and white guys have no hesitation in approaching me anonymously (I have posted a profile pic so they know I am black), and if no one else knows.  Partly fear of rejection, partly what will others think, I don't know.  I have no issue with race, I deal with the person, positively or negatively.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2012 at 11:01 AM


    @thisguy2001   Since you're young, there's hope for you.  And it's because you're young and don't know any better, I'm going to school you so you can have a happy dating/married life once you're older:  Black women are your fellow Americans; we are not foreigners!!   
    Treat Black women like you would any other "all-American girl" and things will go better for you, I promise!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 22, 2012 at 09:08 AM


    As i am new to this site and a white canadian who did not grow up in a very racially diverse community, i find myself a little hesitant to approach a non-white woman, of any race, because of the difference in upbringing and experiences. I find women attractive, regardless of their heritage, and would love to just go up and say hi but so far, any black woman i have made eye contact with has not given me the "signal" , and we all knopw what that is. It may be that they are not interested but so far i have not found one who seems to be. Women, be they black, white , asian or any ethnicity who are attractive and intelligent will attract men of any race i believe.
    And that is my two toonies worth!
  • View author's info Posted on May 20, 2012 at 01:59 PM


    A lot of men are shy in general, not just white men towar black women. Regardless of race, I think a lot of people who are attracted to people of other races don't approach them because it's just one more thing to worry about; in other words, they already have the regular fear of rejection, and then on top of that they need to wonder whether this other person even dates outside their race. I even know cases where a white guy was very attracted to a black woman and they hung out with the same people and got along great but each was afraid to broach the topic of making a romanic connection.

    Then the are cases where their not really worried so much about rejection but are concerend what other peole may think. I knew a black woman who openly expressed her attraction to white men but said she would never act on it because her friends would not approve.

    People should just be honest about their feelings, If someone is gonna reject you, let them. Iu have nothing to lose since at worst you're just in the same place you were to begin with. And if you let worries about what others think stop you from doing what you want you're probably going to be miserable anyway.

    Oh well, my two cents. But yeah, many white men are afraid to approach black women and, I think many black women are afraid go hit on white men. Blacks and whites both seem less inhibited about pursuing Hispanics or Asians.Weird.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 05, 2012 at 09:05 PM


    Right. You see brown skin and assume cultural differences? That's the problem. Whites usually don't approach me because they just ASSUME that I don't do the same things they do, didn't grow up exactly the same as they did, don't have the same interests, the same hobbies, the same taste in music, etc. I've taken to joining all the clubs on campus that ARE the things I"m interested in or majored in like the Math Club, the Chem Club, the Physics Club, the Biotechnology Club, and hanging out at Starbucks. I have to bend over backwards to only do and be seen in the things I did grow up with in order to keep unwanted attention off of me from those with whom I have nothing in common, and it still takes white men a hella long time to GET IT. Or I have to walk up to them and start conversations about the 49ers, the Giants, the opera, the Olympic figure skating, math, science, physics, biotech, the fact that I went to Yale, am at Johns Hopkins, things like that. I feel like I'm bending over backwards forcing on them that I LIVE JUST LIKE THEM, on them to get their attention and to thwart off the ghetto trash high school dropout thug types (blacks).

    And it's all because white people see my skin color and assume "black" lifestyle, upbringing, and interests that will be the opposite of their own. Funny, I don't assume things like that when I see a skin color different than my own. In fact, I see white skin and assume THE SAME upbringing and interests as mine.......
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 16, 2012 at 05:47 PM


    I've experienced the same and had this notion cross my mind, but I know that can't be the case since I'm the product of an interracial relationship myself . . . so yeah. I still can't help but wonder sometimes what keeps them from approaching us.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 12, 2011 at 09:33 AM


    I think it depends mostly on how cultry diverse they were raised.
    Think of it this way. If you were raised in an environment that was never exposed
    To Mexican food, you be very hesitant to try it. You might even go as far as to say
    you might go as far as to say I know I wouldnt like it even though you never tried it.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 31, 2011 at 06:32 PM


    Well said!

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  • View author's info Posted on Aug 05, 2011 at 06:41 PM


    As a black man, I think I'm qualified to speak on this subject. Why? I grew up with whites and I find it difficult to approach or deal with black women versus white women. Don't get me wrong though, I have a child by a black woman. When interacting with our culture, it's hard to relax, because you've got to watch what you say. When you say the wrong thing and don't mean any harm, a black women might say something like, "What!!! Anywho!!!!" Whereas a white woman will read into you to understand where you're coming from. She knows that words don't tell the whole story. This is a general fact amongst the black race, but does not apply to all blacks.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 24, 2011 at 08:40 AM


    Quoting author:

    I'm new to this site so I'm sorry if this topic has been discussed. It's just something that bothers me so much. It just seems that most white guys don't think black women like them so they never try and what could be wonderful opportunities are lost. Does anybody else notice this?



    I also think that some of it is that they may be afraid that some Black man is going to beat them up or shoot them; like every black man on the planet is related to every "looks black" woman and will get violent in "defense" of "their" exclusive "right" to that looks-black woman.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 12, 2010 at 05:53 PM


    i believe that if a man is looking for more than instant gratification than he will have the confidence to approacha black woman and bring her into his world. men are still men no matter their race. a sorry man is still sorry no matter what his complexion is and an honorable man is such no matter his race. i think the problem isnt so much a color thing as it is the objectification of females. character traits are whats important and they are what will remain when looks began to fade and erections are long soft.

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 13, 2010 at 11:32 AM


    most people don't have the guts to pirsue another race,even if they find them attractive.the races of the world don't have a lovey dovey history.also,a lot of people can't handle the pressure or assume another race doesn't want them.

    also,the whole social thing,people at the job,family.then there are racist family members,and lack of desire to dissapoint or they don't want the extra attention. especialy when dating a black woman.black womena are at the bottom of the social ladder (it started with slavery!). the whole thing is basically cowardice, a white man will be wealthy with a white wife and have blck booty on the side.we are typically seen as inferior to the world,due to abuse and stereotypes.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 01, 2010 at 09:53 PM


    I am from Wa and just moved to Ky several months ago. Ky is a culture shock in many ways. I have seen very few interracial couples here as in Wa it is a everyday thing. I have not seen a bw with a wm, I'm starting to get alittle discouraged because I may never find a date here.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 25, 2010 at 06:28 PM


    yes. im a white male, and ive seen this happen, through my own eyes. for me, its less about the 'fear of my parents\friends finding out' which could be the case in some southern areas, but, for me, its moreso i wont think i will be accepted because of the cultural differences. that is, unless i meet a bw who shares me taste in the wolrd, music, politics, etc..than thers no worries. but, it aint happened yet..im 19, i got time lol
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 12, 2010 at 07:16 AM


    While interracial dating is becoming more accepted these days, there are still plenty of people out there who want to cling on to their own narrow minded views. The way I see it is they need to accept me & who I choose to befriend or date, otherwise I'm not worried about them.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 06, 2010 at 01:57 PM


    WM afraid to ask BW out?....well I can proudly say I had danced with, gone out on a date, and some skinny dipping with a few BW in my time. Yes, I remember 20+ years ago at first being nervous being seen with a BW, but that was because I was living in Mississippi at the time (back when it was fround upon). When I later moved in the DC metro area, it slowly became acceptable for WM dating BW. So I certainly took advantage to go out, give compliments, and share some time with a few fine BW out there.
    A great topic.....thanks

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  • View author's info Posted on May 30, 2010 at 10:20 PM


    Thank you Roomies for addressing this subject.
    I very much agree with hawthorne05's theory on WM. I must admit that hawthorne05 tag the issue in paragraph 2 concerning the social stigma WM have when dating, or not the Black Woman. I have observed this attitude over the years from our American WM. I found when dating WM born outside the US, who choose to remain in the country to live, it's a different experience. So far a pleasant experience. I've set up my profile as to attract the European men. I will keep "hope alive" for the WM in the US to be attracted to this Princess of color but time will tell............. love :)

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  • View author's info Posted on May 28, 2010 at 02:48 PM


    Quoting author:

    The issue is not that White men are afraid to ask black women out on dates, but most white men have a few concerns that weigh heavy on the choice to date black women. I have observed this dynamic closely for years. Typically, most white men do not prefer to date black women, and allow me to explain.

    1. Men are men no matter the race and with that said White men or Black men usually look at women as either a quick booty call or potential girlfriend. The sad truth is that Most -- and notice I am generalizing here -- most white men would have sex with a black women, but they do not necessarily want to date a black woman.

    2. White men consider the social stigma about dating black women. If a white man has his finances in order, he will typically be skeptical about just dating any women that will hurt his social power. This is especially true about dating a black woman. The exception typically is a black woman outside of the United states. Most white men and black men do not view black women from other countries as the same with black woman for the states. The sad truth is that black woman in America have been painted with a negative stereotype -- this is unfortunate.

    I am a black man and I have several white male friends from around the world and I notice that my white male friends are attracted to black women (or any woman of any race that's attractive). The white male friends that I have met from Europe or countries outside the states don't mind dating black women and they do not seem to have the same view on interracial dating as my white male friends from the states.

    I think black woman should consider dating men from other nationalities. Their is a very big world, so do not settle.
    I travel and date all sorts of women -- from the U.S. and other countries. I love all women no matter the color.



    Bingo. Europeans and men from other countries other than this one or Canada are less picky. I've had better luck with European men, of course IN Europe, because first of all they believe me when I say I'm Choctaw Indian and not black - and who'd want to date anyone whose first impression of you was that you were a liar?! - and second of all, didn't mind even the stereotypes of "Pocahantas" that they've heard about or whatever. The problems with this are both American white men and American black women. American whites don't want to date or marry the stereotype of whatever female they see has dark skin of any ethnicity; and American dark-skinned women, be it dark-skinned Puerto Ricans, dark-skinned Philippinas, dark skinned Native Americans, etc, have to live down the stereotype of the African American female that unfortunately rules some of our lives. Not just dating white men or marrying any but trying to get a job in biotech or law or computer science (if those are our major fields) - all of it is an uphill battle every minute of our waking lives just because of the stereotype of "African American" women that American white men have set up and cling to like a security blanket to this day.
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