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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 03:26 PM


    Diana - I understand you completely. And I agree with you 100%.

    My problem was that someone (don't think it was you) was making generalization comments about all white men being timid and some other comment.

    Yeah, the men that allow friends/family to influence the women they date are timid. I agree.

    Also, you have to understand I live in a totally different place then you. In my city it is a melting pot of many different races and cultures. Interracial relationships are not abnormal and usually don't attract attention. Usually.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 06:58 AM



    jdavis123 write:
    White men are timid?

    White families/communities are less accepting of interracial relationships?

    This sounds pretty racist, especially considering the website we are on.
    And you shouldn't think white guys are timid. ....
    comment for the original poster:
    Obviously first is that black women are women first and foremost. But also understand our cultures are different. This isn't a bad thing. But you should consider it in how you approach the lady.


    I speak from years of experience. The first white guy I dated was my best friend for one year before I even found out he was interested in me. If we hadn't double dated one night I might never have known. The term 'timid' is used in reference to most of the other men I have dated. (When I used it) And even the ones on here I wink at I find I have to be very careful that I am not misuderstood. I am a black passionate woman and I don't know how much is me and how much is my culture. I am me, but sometimes I have to pull back approach things from another angle. Several of the white guys I dated families were upset and didn't try to hide it upon meeting me. It's one thing to say you are dating a black woman but totally another thing to actually see a son with a black woman. And there is no center ground. You either love it or hate it. Trust me. A very good friend of my that tried to get something started with me about 2 years ago let slip that he father was really, really opposed to him dating someone not white or spanish... you can bet that was one of the deciding factors in me not persuing a relationship with him. Knowing the dynamics of his relationship with his father I wasn't going to stretch our friendship like that. I don't want to be with someone and have to sneak around. Either you are down with being with me and don't care who knows it... or you won't be with me. That's what I mean about being timid. And yes to be truthful and honest with everyone here I will say that I would love to be with a white guy, spanish or a guy to non-black decend because it turns me on. But I am not willing to be with someone as a novelty or for fun. I am serious in my pursuits of love and romance. This is not a spectator's sport this is my life!
    .... Anyway I hope you at least understand my reasoning. Have a great day jdavis123!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 07, 2005 at 05:45 PM


    White men are timid?

    White families/communities are less accepting of interracial relationships?

    This sounds pretty racist, especially considering the website we are on.

    I will admit that in some areas white communities could be less accepting. But it's probably true for some black communities as well.

    And you shouldn't think white guys are timid. In north america the white guys are generally more reserved and black people seem to be more upfront. Kind of like the hot-blooded latins. I'm not saying all are like this, it's only an impression I get. And many white guys can be intimidated buy the different culture and attitude. This isn't about color.

    The first time I dated a latin woman it was an eye-opener. She was much more passionate in anger (as well as all other emotions) but was also quick to forget.

    I am willing to bet some black people in interracial relations might have been intimidated or offended when dealing with silence or stares (or other cultural difference) from white people. This silence doesn't necessarily mean negativity. It's just the culture is much more reserved and different.

    comment for the original poster:
    Obviously first is that black women are women first and foremost. But also understand our cultures are different. This isn't a bad thing. But you should consider it in how you approach the lady.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 07, 2005 at 03:04 PM


    I first want to thank ALL those who have emailed me encouraging thoughts... But ONE especially, to a person who wants to remain neutral, but HAS the insite and courage to step up and tell me what I said that offended her...

    "... For the most part I don't see any problem with anything you have said in your posts. I choose to stay neutral for the most part, but there was one thing you said in a discussion about White men and Black women. I can't remember word for word, but you said something to the effect that Black Women were all talk...."

    Well as I have commented to you in the E-mail that was all a misunderstanding. I looked back at the statement and I can see how it could be taken the wrong way..
    For that I am truly sorry if you all were offended by that.
    What I am trying to say is that Lots of Black women in my experience try to make it out like they are so tuff. But I have found that Dating a Black woman is no different than dating any other race woman. They are just as soft and kind hearted as the next woman.. It was acutally supposed to be a compliment, but apparently a failed attempt...

    Again Sorry for the Confusion about the said statement... Thank you for pointing it out to me as I would have never known otherwise.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 07, 2005 at 02:44 PM



    cocolicious write:
    BLAH BLAH BLAH


    Coco, Don't flatter yourself,My posting here has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you. So get that out of your one tracked mind.

    Unlike you, I read!!!

    No I do not dislike ALL black Women... But I really am growing tired of YOU...So make no mistake I have no interest in meeting you or anyone like you There is obviously no love lost between us so why even go there??

    I read everyones comments here and I have addressed the Subject I have made comments on statements. I commented on your statements because they were offensive and I only pointed that out. Maybe if you weren't such a hypocrite then your comments would not have been so offensive.

    If you read my comments... I apologized to YOU if you felt my comments were HARSH but I was merely stating my IMPRESSION which YOU gave me.
    But I guess you missed that... You seem to have a very Selective way to see things... You made Generalizing sweeping offensive statements and I pointed that out...don't get mad Just think about it....
    I was far kinder in my comments than you have ever been to me...

    I am not trying to Fight with you, but you came at me in another thread accusing me of the SAME thing that you have done here ONLY it was in your head in the other thread and HERE it is in BLACK and WHITE....

    Obviously you can dish it be you can't take it.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 02, 2005 at 11:30 AM



    anotherkiss2 write:
    As my Mom would day....LAWD HAM MERCY! Diana, thanks for the post. I can relate to what you say. I have also read some of the other post too. Please keep on keeping on, and doing what you are doing. When you lost your friends, they weren't friends to begin with. You'll make new ones dear :) Also, I am hoping that you don't take to heart the negative feedback here. The forum is great because it offers several opinions and views. Like a computer, we all sort out what we need, and discard or delete the rest. Thanks for the positive post, and good luck to you :) I just wish there were more people out there offering something positive or insiteful instead of anger and bashing each other. I don't think the forum was set up for that purpose.



    anotherkiss:

    I couldn't have said it better, myself.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 31, 2005 at 07:36 AM


    As my Mom would day....LAWD HAM MERCY! Diana, thanks for the post. I can relate to what you say. I have also read some of the other post too. Please keep on keeping on, and doing what you are doing. When you lost your friends, they weren't friends to begin with. You'll make new ones dear :) Also, I am hoping that you don't take to heart the negative feedback here. The forum is great because it offers several opinions and views. Like a computer, we all sort out what we need, and discard or delete the rest. Thanks for the positive post, and good luck to you :) I just wish there were more people out there offering something positive or insiteful instead of anger and bashing each other. I don't think the forum was set up for that purpose.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 30, 2005 at 07:07 AM


    I read this post, a few others since my vacation started. I think NRD01 simply wanted a little advice, and a lot of the comments seem like very good, heartfelt advice. On the other hand, you have two people who have a serious dislike for each other, no make that a strong dislike of each other, and they are using this venue to further that agenda. Maybe you two should take this offline. The man just wants to know, plain and simple how to approach a black woman. The two of you should deal with your personal issues elsewhere.
    NRD I agree with everyone else. A black woman is just that...a woman. If I notice a man is interested, I make it easier for him by approaching him first. It helps because I am already outgoing :) Truth be told, that's how I met my Fiance :) He just retired from the Army and you wouldn't think he was shy but he was. I approached him because he kept looking at me. Just relax, smile, and go over-say hello. What's the worst that could happen? She might just smile, say hello and start up a conversation. Good luck to you sweetie, and please let everyone know how you are doing out there.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 30, 2005 at 06:38 AM



    Diana007 write:

    Because a great deal of white guys are timid, and some what secretive about their facination with black women. Not to mention most traditional white families generally frown upon these things. The world is changing but in many ways the world is still the same. Any white guys that decides to date a black woman had better be a strong, self assured man... There are other reasons, but this forum isn't large enough to go in it all. But for me I will say this... I have already dealt with all of my demons (family, friends, and nay sayers), a still I stand strong!



    But isn't that TRUE with any woman? I mean aren't most women in general looking for a Good man that has a back bone and stand up for what he believes in?

    I've dated black women and to me they are NO different from any other women I have dated I mean except for the obvious physical differences.
    I think you all are scaring people away from you. I don't think you can say that WHITE men in general are TIMID.... Just that people are most often cautious when approaching the unknown... and the MORE you talk about " White Men Need to be VERY STRONG Blah blah... Before he can approach a black women..." THAT is why you have that experience. The Attitude that he much be an ABOVE averag White man inorder to get your attention is probably the vary attitude that repells most white men.

    I can't speak for White men cause Obviously I am not white... But for me, I like a woman who is good to me. I expect no less or more from her than I am willing to give, Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, and S3xually... I want a woman who is intelligent and has a mind of her own. Being Competitive is healthy, but there is a LIMIT to that in a relationship.. But I'd rather not even bother if a woman thinks that She is too "Strong" for Most men to handel... Confidence is a good thing Arrogance is not and there is a Fine line that I think you are crossing into when you feel that way.

    Although you may be totally different... Which I have Found that a lot of Black women I have encountered are a lot of TALK... When it comes down to it you are no different than any other woman. A good woman is a GOOD woman no matter what your color is. We only have to work on Impressions when we are first meeting people. Becareful what kind of impression you are making
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 30, 2005 at 05:04 AM



    NRD01 write:
    Hello. First time on this forum. Just wondering why I don't see very often a black woman and a white guy together. How would a white guy make himself appealing to a black woman?


    Because a great deal of white guys are timid, and some what secretive about their facination with black women. Not to mention most traditional white families generally frown upon these things. The world is changing but in many ways the world is still the same. Any white guys that decides to date a black woman had better be a strong, self assured man... There are other reasons, but this forum isn't large enough to go in it all. But for me I will say this... I have already dealt with all of my demons (family, friends, and nay sayers), a still I stand strong!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 30, 2005 at 04:58 AM



    fuzzwar write:
    Yo NRD,

    Welcome to the forum,check it out, you live in texas, the heart of the dirty dirty south, black & white relationships aren't exactly welcomed there, i wish you all the luck in finding one.


    Texas aint the heart of the Dirty South... Atlanta is!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 29, 2005 at 01:41 PM



    cocolicious write:

    On the other hand, black men are very quick to approach a white woman. They have no fear in that regard, and as one of the threads has shown, they want to shout to the world why they worship white women. Even if it means putting down a black women in the process, or even if it means they as a couple will be ostracized from her family.

    Case in point...if you look at the threads, a lot of the same people are commenting and it does not appear that they have found what they are looking for, at least not on this site.



    You have been here a WHOLE week and yet you have it all Figured out.

    You seem to be a know it all and let me tell you that is INSTANT MAN REPELLANT... You act like just cause a man glances your way that means he wants you and that because he doesn't say anything that means he is a timid Poser...

    Don't confuse Confidence with Arrogance. I am saying this because this is the impression I get from you in reading your comments on this subject as well as your others in another thread around here.

    It is obvious if a man finds something he likes in a woman he is going to SHOUT OUT about it. You see that as an insult to Black women. There are Plenty of White men here that LOVE Black women and yet I have yet to read ONE ill comment about that. But let a black man say he Loves White women and suddenly a crime has been commited.
    Read a thread about why People date outside their own race... Most people talk about the Skin color Contrast and how sexy that is...I am not saying that there aren't guys like you describe, but surely your over reacting just as you did in the other thread.

    Listen I am not attacking you to hurt you or anything like that. If my comments are harsh then I am the first to apologize... I am making an observation only based on limited conversations with you on the Message board.It is my impression of you and I am sure my exact impression of you is off should I ever meet to in person, but based on what you have shown me HERE this is my Opinion.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 29, 2005 at 01:23 PM



    cocolicious write:
    I think it takes a very strong caucasian man to date a sister because he can't be intimidated about what others think. Bias is there because I am a woman in Corporate America, working amongst predominantly white males. Then add to it that I am black...well you know the rest. A lot of them flirt with me endlessly, most fantasize, but I can tell by the look in their eyes that they only want to experiment with me. Bottom line is, a white guy is at the disadvantage because he has to be patient with a sister while she figures out what he really wants from her.


    Talk about a lot of generalizations...

    One thing you have to understand about a man is that He can Like you and appreciate your looks But that doesn't mean HE WANTS you.

    You ever think that the reason these White guys don't want to ask you out is because of your own attitude? (Hear me out before you get defensive)

    I mean Here you clearly state that the AVERAGE or MOST White men doesn't have what it takes to "HANDLE a Black woman" Not to mention a black woman in Corporate america. You out right deem MOST White males who date black women as "POSERS" Ir Just wanting to EXPERIMENT.

    and you Honestly think a White man should want to ask you out??

    I think alot of people date outside their race cause they are looking for a change or just plain curious. They get into a relationship and there are certain atributes they like and that's it. Some do it cause it may be forbidden in their family and they want to rebel....

    Whatever the reason, If you don't match you don't match and the relationship will end.

    The fact IS that PLAIN AND SIMPLE... It is not the easiest thing for a man to approach a woman reguardless of color. No one like to be rejected and most often we will approach a woman who is most likely (in our minds) NOT TO REJECT US.

    And you are right, if a man feels that he is entering a relationship HAVING to PROVE something to you WHY BOTHER???
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 29, 2005 at 01:12 PM



    cocolicious write:
    Last night I went to the opera with a guy who is white, and the stares we got were unbelieveable! To top it off, A white woman who was with a brother shot us a dirty look and whispered to her man, then HE shot me one too! I couldn't believe it...getting a dirty look from another interracial couple!


    Maybe you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe or a booger hanging from your nose. LOL

    It might not be that you are an interracial couple but perhaps HOW YOU Present yourself Personally. That attitude that you wave in the name of STRENGTH may be what gets you dirty looks as well as what may repell mose white men from you. This may be moreso than just simply another interracial couple hating on you. (It makes no sense)

    I am not saying that you are a terrible person and perhaps you don't mean to come across that way, but you do come across with an attitude and a certain arrogance (atleast in my experience with you on this MB)
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 29, 2005 at 01:08 PM



    cocolicious write:

    Fuzz maybe most men aren't as nice as you are, and trust me, a black man who dates a white woman does NOT treat us equally.



    Talk about a blanket statement...
    I don't agree... Any man worth his weight will treat a woman for who SHE IS and not for what the color of her skin is. If this is your experience then you might want to rethink who you date not based on color, but based on the PERSON
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 26, 2005 at 02:35 PM



    hopeful2findu write:
    I am one of those who has stared a time or two at a black lady and a white man together as a couple in public, as it really does thrill my heart to see such.



    Same here
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 26, 2005 at 02:33 PM



    jan03 write:
    Hi NRD,
    Keep in mind that a black woman is simply just another woman...only one of color. Unfortunately society has imposed these ridiculous stereotypes where many white guys, in my opinion, are just afraid to approach a black woman they are attracted to. I've been in many situations where a white guy will just stare then look away when you catch them looking. Perhaps its the fear of what others will think of them. Next time you see an attractive black woman with a white guy, just observe the other white guys around you. It's almost as if they wish it was them. You are a nice looking guy and I'm sure has a lot to offer the right woman. Next time you see a black woman you're are attracted to, just smile, say hi and see what happens..trust me, you'll eventually attract the right one. Good luck!!!



    Nicely said Jan03!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 25, 2005 at 03:11 PM


    Very interesting topic running here and one that I have dealt with only about 47 million times to this very day.

    I exclusively desire and date black women, as this is my personal choice and prefernce for a myriad of reasons, and I have found it to be true regardless of what city I have been in, (Los Angeles, Memphis, Nashville, Miami, St. Louis, Houston, Dallas) whenever I am with my sweet baby we do attract attention sometimes; however, sometimes this is positive and sometimes not. Predominately far more good than bad though, and nowadays things are seemingly becoming more and more accepted when it comes to IR couples, which is a beautiful thing of course. I must also add before I go that I am one of those who has stared a time or two at a black lady and a white man together as a couple in public, as it really does thrill my heart to see such.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 24, 2005 at 10:58 PM


    Be yourself and be attentive to whoever you are with. Show that you are truly interested in the person you are with. Don't split your attention with a lot of other woman.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 22, 2005 at 09:47 PM


    Hi Coco,

    i don't know how it is for NRD, but i partially agree with you on your post, i live in a predomently white county, and work for company of the same makeup, and most of the white guys talk a lot about black women and ask many questions, they are very curious but scared about crossing the line, very few that i know dobut the ones that have almost exclusively date black women, the others only dream about, but i have also noticed that after they did almost overnite they were treated differently and still are to this day, some have married black women, and as stated on another topic they are strong in personality, because there life has changed like they never expected, now also i date black women,white women,spanish, etc, i do not treat white women better than i treat black women, i am curtious to all, straightforward, and attentive to all, which i think is most important, if i am on a date with you i pay attention only to you, even if i don't feel feel you are the person i want to be mentally and physically involved with, because you may introduce me to that person and you won't if i treat you badly or are inattentive to, thank's for sharing

    $.02

    fuzzwar
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