Preference vs. Shallow Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2005 at 12:13 PM


    Waterlady I truly enjoyed your posts as well mostly because I can relate exactly to you.
    Because of health issues, a failing marriage with an alchololic husband and job situation I went into a depression about 3 years ago and let it all take over my life. End result my weight went through the roof. Now that I have come from the depression, changed my eating and exercise habits I am finally starting to shed the weight and get the body back to where it should be. and its such a struggle but it's worth it. Thats off the subject.
    I can see both sides to the issue but I don't think it is shallow for one to have preferences admit it or not we all have them. We are drawn to the type of person that fits our taste and those that don't we pass over not giving much if any thought if they might have the other quailities that we are looking for, which is unfair to that person. But I don't think we should compromise our tastes either.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2005 at 07:20 AM


    People desire certain things for different reasons.. To deem everyone who desires a slim woman Shallow is UNFAIR to say the least..

    I am one who prefers a slim woman. Actually it is almost more of a requirement... I mean to say that A preference is something that you would Like but consider other...

    I have nothing against Over weight people. To deem them all Lazy and unproductive and depressed would be just as unfair as saying I am shallow for desiring a Slim woman.

    Water Lady, I really truly feel for you.. My Mother had an operation years ago and Lost her Very proportionate figure to that. Apparently this procedure slowed her metabolism... Anyway, I live the Struggle with her trying to help her Diet and Excercise and keep up with it all and encourage her daily.... So, with that said I know that I am not being shallow.

    If I am with a woman and something happens and she gains weight... that is a totally different story.

    I am an active guy. I don't eat 100% healthy 100% of the times but I eat good. I have a good balance between what goes in and what gets burned off. I want a woman that can contribute to and support me in this lifestyle.

    Furthermore.. I am not that Big of a guy.. 69" and 170 pounds with about 10% body fat... Why would it be shallow for me to desire something proportionately Similar in a woman...

    We look for people similar to us. People with similar Interests and Hobbies, People with complimentary life styles...

    I honestly Believe there are People for everyone... ANd I know there are many Men and Women that DESIRE Heavy people... Why aren't they deemed SHALLOW because the Prefer Heavy women????

    The REASON behind that desire is what would make it SHALLOW or Not and Should not be generalized...
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 28, 2005 at 11:13 AM


    No sorries needed Silver! Work and family always come first :) that is my world too. I am fine and hope you and yours are terrific as well.

    I knew that you would understand this and am surprised that Samantha didn't catch this thread...I made a comment similar somewhere else and I really liked what she added to it about her job and the physical realities.

    It is rather unfortunate that many men miss the boat....but I say all the better for us to weed out the nice guys more successfully. I would rather be with a man that sees people instead of packages.

    (Raises her glass) Here's to the "people see'ers" and the death of shallowness and prejudgement in society!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 25, 2005 at 02:05 PM


    Thanks for reading and hearing me and also for your kind words.

    This is, as I said, a deeply personal topic for me. I have been both a large and a small woman and at no time was I anything other than ME :)
    Good of you not to share the opinion of your friend and nice of you to try to open both his mind and his world. I wish you both the utmost success. :)
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 24, 2005 at 06:16 AM


    Hi Silver, which board is that? I'm still a bit confused on how the boards on this site seem to be formatted.

    To move this post and the threads, can they be cut and pasted?

    I will probably leave it, especially if the question has come up on the other boards already.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 24, 2005 at 06:09 AM


    Most eloquently spoken Waterlady. I am so taken by your words. I see you are a talented poet and a very knowledgeable and wise woman. Thank you very much for your feedback. I have to allow my friend to read what you've posted. It may be just what he needs to open his eyes so he can see women in one light. My words don't seem to open his mind.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 23, 2005 at 11:57 AM


    Hello Magnus!
    Welcome to the forum.

    I too feel that this type of preference selection is judgemental and shallow. Mostly because it is so deeply personal to me. I used to be a size 9 model. I was never without a date or a look or a flirt....then I was in a car accident...lucky to survive and I gained weight (7 broken bones, couldn't walk) and got depressed as it seemed that society in general (not just men) barely looked at me anymore.

    I as a person had not changed in value in any way and yet the world seemed to view me differently. I got poor service in stores, less eye contact in public. It is hard to describe but I couldn't believe it.

    There is also the assumption that someone who is large is lazy or does not care for themselves and this is wrong as well. I am still a fitness instructor - just that I have had to move to the medium of water to protect my injuries. I work out more than 14 hours a week...a lot more than my thinner counterpart friends. More than triple in fact. So I am not lazy or any less desireable as a partner...but based on my weight alone (never mind that I carry it well and no one has ever guessed me over 150) many men would exclude me. What a shame...I am intelligent, sensitive, kind and passionate, talented and never hopeless, faithful and a tireless supporter. :) You're friend just might be missing out on the woman of his dreams.

    In my opinion he should try to open up and go on one or two dates. I have often found myself attracted to persons that I may not have looked at twice in public but their personality and intelligence just shines and makes you want to be with them.
    He has the right to chose not to.....this is so personal....but what a shame if he missed his destiny cause she wasn't in the right package at the time.

    This is a personal favorite that illuminates just this point.....

    Subject: $20 Bill


    A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

    Hands started going up.

    He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
    He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

    Still the hands were up in the air.

    Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"

    And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
    "Now, who still wants it?"

    Still the hands went into the air.

    My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.

    No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

    Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

    We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

    The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

    You are special- Don't EVER forget it."

    Count your blessings, not your problems.

    And remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

    "When life hands you lemons, grab the salt and pass the Tequila"
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 22, 2005 at 05:29 PM


    Thank you for the warm welcome to the site Silver. I am sure where opinions vary, there is bound to be some excitement. I am familiar with the boards from another site, just like this one, so I will make sure I word my questions, and answers, very carefully.

    I tried to find this question, but I'm still feeling my way around the site. The way the topics are arranged is a bit confusing, but I'll catch on soon.

    Thanks for your response hon.
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