Preference vs. Shallow Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Sep 21, 2005 at 04:23 PM


    I had a friend ask me if I thought he was shallow because he prefers woman that are athletic or fit.

    He has had several women interested in him, but many of them were full-figured women. He thought they were nice, but just said he prefers slim to fit.

    I told him that I would post his question on the board to get the consensus of the members on this site.

    Members, what do you think? Is there a thin line between preference and shallowness?
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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 11, 2006 at 06:41 PM


    Rumple, read your profile. You are funny! Gotta love funny!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 11, 2006 at 12:40 AM


    Nothing wrong with that. He's fine. We all have preferences. Was that comment to simple? Look what sight we are on....lol.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 19, 2006 at 08:29 PM


    lol... this sounds like a 'I have a friend who has an issue but asked me to ask the question for them', but it's really me who wants to know question........

    yup....... sure sounds like it......


    i am off to Blockbuster....... renting 'Shallow Hal' tonight........

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 18, 2006 at 08:32 AM


    I believe that god put many different people on this earth for that reason...Everyone has there preferences.

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 11, 2006 at 07:54 PM


    Magnus7864 write:
    I had a friend ask me if I thought he was shallow because he prefers woman that are athletic or fit.

    He has had several women interested in him, but many of them were full-figured women. He thought they were nice, but just said he prefers slim to fit.

    I told him that I would post his question on the board to get the consensus of the members on this site.

    Members, what do you think? Is there a thin line between preference and shallowness?


    depends on who holds the pencil and how sharp the point is.........
  • View author's info Posted on May 01, 2006 at 09:53 AM


    renegade1952 write:
    THe people that are shallow are the ones that meet people just for their own purpose. Period!
    The ones that choice preferences are the people that know their perimeters as to who they want to be with. This doesn't mean that they are prejudice about certain people but have certain qualities they look for. I'm 5'9" do you think I would be interested in a woman that's 6'2"? No but that's a choice I'd make. That doesn't mean that I'd refuse to be her friend.
    Preferences is what we learn as we grow up finding out what stimulates our senses (physically). After that we have choosen the person with those preferences we then have to decide if our personal preferences match our life/lifestyle.
    Preferences is what starts the mating game.


    Very well said, renegade. Very well said indeed!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 08, 2006 at 09:51 PM


    Waterlady, I hear you girlfriend. I had breast cancer almost 7 years ago and have to take meds every day probably for the rest of my life and have gained about 40 pounds. I'm still the same person I was when I was thinner but damn if people don't look at you differently or not at all. And you know what? I'm okay with it only because I know that when it's time--he'll find me whatever I look like.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 09, 2006 at 09:13 PM


    I'm sorry, i read ur post and realised i came off harsh...u made a great point ...something i hate to admit but if someone is too "different" we tend to resort to fear and ignorance... i bet if i was in ur situation i would see things a little different cuz the truth remains even though i may not be ideal for some ... i do have some physical features that society has deemed as "in"...i hope one day u find that someone and i guess u are tired of hearing that remark but the one thing i was taught as a child was hope ... on a lighter note ..i think u need to visit the multi-diverse city of Montreal...u never know
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 08, 2006 at 05:16 PM


    Wiseflower, I say no. People should not follow what society dictates. They should find in their hearts who they really like, even if it's going to be a scandal with their co-workers and family and friends.

    I heard far too many times the excuse "but my family wouldn't like it" when I was younger not to realize how hurtful it can be to be rejected because society doesn't consider you kosher.

    The problem I face now is simple: I'd love to find someone to share my life with, yet no one is willing to take the chance to try someone so different from anything they know as I am. People are used to certain 'races' of people, but I happen to be too unusual to most, if not all, people around me.

    Fortunately the situation in my country of origin is changing, and I may be able to go back soon. I'm positive I'll find someone there.

    I left Bolivia at 18, mostly for political reasons. Now I'm 35, and I find that I've never had a relationship in my life. I was rejected time and time again, either because of my size or because of my race. And not always by women who didn't love me, but by women who didn't love me _enough_ to face other people's opinions.

    I feel as if I had wasted half of my life, at least in the romantic realm. I'm afraid, sometimes, that I've grown bitter and dejected, and that there's little of the young, idealistic, happy man that once left that poor country so long ago.

    That's all.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 08, 2006 at 08:49 AM


    To me, I think our preferences are on a continum. They are not rigid or set in stone. If they stray too far to the left or right, some would consider it prejudicial. But it is still a preference none the less, and should be respected
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 06, 2006 at 02:06 AM


    zachary0611 write:
    I think women are worse in the shallow part than men believe it or not. Women have a huge list of standards for men: height, weighjt, job, money, manliness, hair, skin color, willy size lol, race, what their friends think and i could go on and on.


    Yes Zach, you raised an interesting point, but because someone has preferences, doesn't mean all of one's preferences will be realized by the people who have them.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 05, 2006 at 10:27 PM


    cyupanqui write:
    I don't know. I don't buy into 'common sense'. It seems too facile to me. It's usually questioning 'common sense' how people come to discover something new about themselves. Or other people, or the society they live in, or the ethics in such society, etc.

    Common sense says we all have our preferences and should respect each other's. Which is sound advice, true, but incomplete.

    I don't think there is a clear line between preference and prejudice. In fact, I suspect most preferences are based in some form of prejudice. Which, I guess, should be fine and dandy, since we all do it.

    Like some people say, "it's ok to be a racist because everyone is...". Which makes sense but somehow it doesn't feel right.

    Of course, we cannot change a person's preferences. And if those preferences leave aside whole groups, all we can do is pat members of such groups in the back and encourage them to keep on looking. "Just be nice, keep on looking, you'll find someone, and if you don't, well, too bad, it was proably your fault after all."

    I think society as a whole and mass media in particular determine our tastes. That is, our preferences and prejudices. If you get something bombarded into your head since you were a toddler, well, for sure by the time you're a consenting adult you'll have such piece of information attached to your identity; it'll be one of your sacred preferences.

    I think, though, that in great part the social evolution of a culture is based on pushing people beyond their own comfort zone. Further: in pushing yourself beyond such comfort zone.

    Which is a recipe for disaster in the dating realm. But just thinking that a good share of 'your' preferences may not be yours at all could be a start.

    You make a good point , however there's a difference in who i'm attracted too and who i'm friends with ....I'm not attracted to short men, i'm 5 feet 9 inches tall and close to 6 feet in heels, that has nothing to do with society's view point..does that mean i'm going to discriminate against short men , i don't think so ...my russian best friend date asian and latinas ,it does not stop the fact that i'm literally his "black sister"...don't you think if i conform my preferences so it will be "politically" acceptable is unfair....what about the guy whose gay should he conform to society's pressure to date females...i can say when i was a teenager my tastes where influenced somewhat by peer pressure, but i'll like to think that as an adult i've outgrown it ...there are those who conform and others who don't...i HAVE my pereferences and it has nothing to do with societies view...what are ur preferences?..are u saying u don't have any? don't u think it should be respected?...so if i asked a white guy out and his response is that he is not attracted to black girls, should i be offended? should i cry discrimination?....this comes down to the person u wish to spend ur life with, we are not talking about friendships,or colleagues...and we all know that the first step on the road to a realtionship is the inital attraction....as one person says if there was no preferences there would be no need for dating sites....my point in the last thread is get over the person who turned you down and try again...what's so wrong about that?
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 04, 2006 at 08:18 PM


    I don't know. I don't buy into 'common sense'. It seems too facile to me. It's usually questioning 'common sense' how people come to discover something new about themselves. Or other people, or the society they live in, or the ethics in such society, etc.

    Common sense says we all have our preferences and should respect each other's. Which is sound advice, true, but incomplete.

    I don't think there is a clear line between preference and prejudice. In fact, I suspect most preferences are based in some form of prejudice. Which, I guess, should be fine and dandy, since we all do it.

    Like some people say, "it's ok to be a racist because everyone is...". Which makes sense but somehow it doesn't feel right.

    Of course, we cannot change a person's preferences. And if those preferences leave aside whole groups, all we can do is pat members of such groups in the back and encourage them to keep on looking. "Just be nice, keep on looking, you'll find someone, and if you don't, well, too bad, it was proably your fault after all."

    I think society as a whole and mass media in particular determine our tastes. That is, our preferences and prejudices. If you get something bombarded into your head since you were a toddler, well, for sure by the time you're a consenting adult you'll have such piece of information attached to your identity; it'll be one of your sacred preferences.

    I think, though, that in great part the social evolution of a culture is based on pushing people beyond their own comfort zone. Further: in pushing yourself beyond such comfort zone.

    Which is a recipe for disaster in the dating realm. But just thinking that a good share of 'your' preferences may not be yours at all could be a start.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 04, 2006 at 05:20 PM


    anyone who is bothered by another person's views on what is attractive to them needs to take a look at them selves....to some men i'm not thin enough, to some i'm fine, to me i'm perfect ...it has nothing to do with vanity but the ablity to love myself...if i asked a guy out and he's not interested cuz i don't appeal to what he considers attractive ...i move on, if he's interested in my friend ...i tell her to go for it ...why?...cuz that's life ..there've been guys who i'm not attracted to for various reasons, age, height, size ...just not interested ..so why do i need to make a big deal if the tables are turned... i DON'T CARE...i still got dates ...for every bread there's a butter...it just take time and a positive attitude ....it's all about preference...that's it
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 03, 2006 at 08:48 AM


    I hear what your saying Zach. I know some girls who are full figured who only want fit guys and wonder how come guys won't appreciate them for who they are on the inside.

    Preference is just that, preference. And everyone has a preference. But if a person thinks that they can "only" find love in a certain body type or other type is shallow.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 23, 2005 at 05:42 AM


    I think women are worse in the shallow part than men believe it or not. Women have a huge list of standards for men: height, weighjt, job, money, manliness, hair, skin color, willy size lol, race, what their friends think and i could go on and on.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 04, 2005 at 07:39 AM


    Hmmm I don't think it fair to use the word shallow in all circumstances.

    Sure their are some men whom are shallow as hell and will only date a certain type of woman because it's about prestige or whatnot.

    However, some of us prefer women of particular sizes due to preference. There must always be first a physical attraction when meeting someone for the first time. I might find a particualr woman absolutely beautiful while another man (of my caliber) might find her just plain f-ugly. That's his opinion based on his preference. It is the same reason we are here at this site is it not? We have racial preferences outside of our own.

    Does it make me shallow because I find women of color more attractive than white women?

    It does not make me shallow because I prefer petite women because I'm a fairly small guy, myself.

    Preference does not make one shallow, however if something were to happen to the woman I love to the detriment of her physical appearance and I decided to leave her based upon that... that would make me shallow as hell. When I fall in love with someone, it doesn't change because they do. However I must have an initial attraction upon meeting someone.. at least a small amount. The rest I can learn to appreciate as time goes by, but there has to be something there (from my subconscious preference) that turns my head or we will never meet to begin with.

    If nobody had a preference in a mate, none of us would even be here because we wouldn't need to be.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 11, 2005 at 01:59 AM


    I think a preference can be shallow and I also think it can be an attraction.

    I don't think being physically attracted to someone is being shallow. After all it's an attraction and you can't help that.

    Just like guys with long hair do nothing for me at all. Also guys that have braids in their hair is a total turn off for me. I believe firmly in not trying to change someone so If I know that something is unattractive to me why bother? Sure he may be the most wonderful guy in the world, But, well I guess that is the difference between a Boy Friend and JUST being Friends.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 09, 2005 at 04:11 PM


    You like what you like man.. It has nothing to do with being shallow or not. I'm not going to date someone I'm not attracted to in order to be more socially acceptable. Some dudes don't like big women.. All good. There are plenty that do!
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