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  • View author's info Author Posted on Dec 13, 2004 at 08:36 AM


    If you've had to overcome family acceptance issues related to your racial dating preferences, how did you overcome them?
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  • View author's info Posted on Jun 17, 2015 at 01:32 PM


    I guess every family has its quirks. But you have to also deal with the public as well. Mine has a few issues dating outside my race. They will never condone it. But I have done it exclusively for 15 years now. It seems to bother those that I am dating more then it bothers me. I am sure every culture has that issue.

     

    Here's how I see it:

     

    1) Who pays my mortgage?

    2) my car payment

    3) bills

    4) etc,etc,etc,,,,,,,,

     

    Can we not all have the choice about who to love just like everyone else? What really matters most in life? What really bothers me the most, is if those that disagree would just try it once or twice, they'd feel the same way I do. They would surely get past it!

     

    Freedom is not paying taxes, a mortgage, rent, etc... Freedom is choosing a mortgage, choosing bills, and most of all, choosing who you love. There is no greater freedom than that.

     

    I once knew a white guy, who appearantly had never seen a black person before and he asked me: How could you do that? Now before I answer what I said to him, what do you think I should have said to him? He was married to a white woman, he had kids. etc...  The only thing I could think was :Its my choice and while he was in total silence, stumped by my response, I asked him: How could you marry what you married? Why didn't you ask my permission first? He said because he did not need my permission.... I just left it alone there and let him think about what he asked me.

    Some people stare in complete disgrace, others ask questions while they are so consumed in their: "I cannot believe what I am seeing thoughts" that they ask things without realizing they have no right to do so. And thats when I just want to grab my black girl and wet her lips with mine! Maybe even give a little squeeze on the Buttocks afterward. But thats just me, Maybe I am over proud of who I am and who I am with. Are there any women who would agree with this strategy in public? Or is it wrong?

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 24, 2011 at 12:13 AM


    I use to date a Russian guy and he kept putting off me meeting his family.... Then after a year of dating I demanded it. He finally admitted that his family would never accept us. And wouldn't stand up to them. He was a grown man in his 30s still living with his family and totally dependent on his parents. he said he would be disowned and thrown out of the house. He wanted to continue our relationship in secret..... Needless to to say I moved on:)
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 27, 2008 at 10:09 AM


    When I had to tell my mother at age 29 that I was pregnant she said "oh thank goodness, I thought you were going to tell me you were going to marry your boyfriend".As though a child could be "hidden", where as a wedding would make it known that I love a black man, thus becoming a member of our family. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to say that time,and opportunity has not given way to acceptance or tolerance on her part.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 04, 2006 at 02:35 PM


    I don't have a family, so the problem it's always been her family. And no, no woman has loved me enough to fight her family for my sake.

    I think it may be an excuse, you know: "I'd love to start a relationship with you, but at this point I couldn't deal with my family...".

    It works better when they're in their 20s, though. Since I've hit the 30s (and started dating women over 30 more often), they are just more honest: they tell you all they want from you is a good shag, to continue with their sexual tourism or something like that.

    One sort of learns to appreciate such honesty (my usual (honest) reply is: "no thanks, I don't want to catch something").
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 03, 2006 at 08:19 PM


    WOW, IT HAS TAKEN ME ALMOST 4 YEARS TO OVERCOME NOT BEING ACCEPTED BY MY EX'S FAMILY. THEY TREAT ME AND MY DAUGHTER COMPLETLY DIFFERENT, ONLY BECAUSE HIS MOTHER WANTED HIM TO BE WITH A BLACK GIRL AND NOT ME. THE RACE OF SOMEONE IS SO UNIMPORTANT AND EVERY DAY IT IS A STRUGGLE TO DEAL WITH. I WANT MY DAUGHTER TO BE HAPPY WITH WHO SHE IS AND ALWAYS KNOW THAT BEING BI-RACIAL WILL ONLY MAKE HER A STRONGER PERSON. I DONT KNOW THAT I CAN SAY IVE OVERCOME BEING TREATED DIFFERENT BUT EVERY DAY I TRY TO LET THE ANGER GO.
  • View author's info Posted on May 26, 2006 at 05:30 PM


    sarah1 write:
    Everyone was so concerned when I was about to give birth to a Mulatto child, what would Grandpa say!?!?They were most concerned, I think, that he would say something that would offend me. EAU CONTRAIRE he said something I will NEVER forget and I will always love him for.

    "Those boys fought right along side us in the war!"

    I love you Gramps and I miss you...


    Nice post Sarah. Very touching!!!
  • View author's info Posted on May 25, 2006 at 04:03 PM


    Everyone was so concerned when I was about to give birth to a Mulatto child, what would Grandpa say!?!?They were most concerned, I think, that he would say something that would offend me. EAU CONTRAIRE he said something I will NEVER forget and I will always love him for.

    "Those boys fought right along side us in the war!"

    I love you Gramps and I miss you...
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 27, 2005 at 06:38 AM


    What a wonderful story Pamela. I guess it all boils down to people really learning about people, of different races, on a one-to-one basis, and not prejudging them as a whole. Parents, the media and even relatives all contribute in skewing the big picture about some races. It appears for those who look at others with distain will have to learn the true beauty of diversity through experience and communicating with them.

    I am happy to hear stories like yours Pam. Education of ones mind, and heart, one mind at a time.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 22, 2005 at 09:31 AM


    When I first start dating black men my Mother, who is from the South had a fit. She was so upset. One day when she was lecturing me once again about my choice, I asked her if she would rather me be gay than date a black man. She said yes. I laughingly asked her "what if I dated a black woman?" I thought she was going to hit me.

    That was so long ago, today I am the mother of a biracial daughter who will be 15 in a few weeks. My mother is her biggest fan. My family (including my Mom) doesn't care what color the man I date is as long as they treat me well. In fact, my best friend is married to a 6'6" black man who calls my little 5'2" mother "Mom." She adores him.

    I am very blessed that I do not have any racial problems (any more) with my family.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 30, 2005 at 09:02 AM


    I've dated interracially since I was 15. The relationship began as a wonderful friendship and blossomed into each others first love. Color was never an issue, I never saw it. Over the years and many relationships later I have discovered that it is YOU that you have to please as you are the only person that you can hold accountable for your individual happiness. My immediate family accepted my choice years ago and only hope for my happiness. As for my extended family, well they have yet to even understand it. Growing up in a Polish-Catholic family, I can't say that their reactions surprised me but I will not let that govern my choices in life.

    Should you find that someone special that embodies all that you desire...Don't let anything stand in your way. Life is short and soulmates are not hard to find these days!
    I've dated interracially since I was 15. The relationship began as a wonderful friendship and blossomed into each others first love. Color was never an issue, I never saw it. Over the years and many relationships later I have discovered that it is YOU that you have to please as you are the only person that you can hold accountable for your individual happiness. My immediate family accepted my choice years ago and only hope for my happiness. As for my extended family, well they have yet to even understand it. Growing up in a Polish-Catholic family, I can't say that their reactions surprised me but I will not let that govern my choices in life.

    Should you find that someone special that embodies all that you desire...Don't let anything stand in your way. Life is short and soulmates are not hard to find these days!

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 04, 2005 at 11:59 AM


    yahoo1 posted this on the New Orleans/ third world thread.

    yahoo1 write:
    ... I told him he was a fckng idiot and stormed out of my folks house.
    ...Thanks for letting me vent.
    Jeff

    It made me realize there's something I too needed to vent & was going to reply there, but
    it would be off topic there, & better suited to this thread...

    Jeff, I recently had a similar experience with my sister.
    I've related to few individuals here how her substance abuse has damaged her brain/personality, and that she recently lost her right leg from health complications.
    She heavily relies on her family to assist her as she still isn't weight-bearing on her artificial leg.

    There is much she could do for herself, yet won't for one excuse or another.
    She's my sister and I love her, and will continue to take my turn weekends caring for her, but...

    After a long hard day of working construction and driving quite far out of my way to pick her and her boyfriend up, dropping him where he needed to go, we joined my father, with whom she is currently living, and his wife who suffers with Alzheimers, at a downscale (slightly grimy construction oranges & workboots mind you... *sigh!* ...the embarrassments one endures for "family's sake" lol) restaurant.
    After we'd finished our meal, my sister began making several hatefully racist comments about the "lack of industriousness" of a particular race of people, continuing to do so repeatedly, even after my telling her how very offensive I found her views. When she went so far as to make the statement that "There are plenty of white people who are n......" I swear I was positively ITCHING to look her square in the eye and reply,
    "Yes, and YOU'RE behavior is making that QUITE obvious."
    I somehow managed to hold my tongue, knowing that hurtful responses to hurtful actions/words seldom benefit anyone.
    However, this spewing of hers continued even out into the parking lot.
    I was finally pushed to the point of informing her that she would be receiving no more "favors" from me.
    That while others my feel obligated to tolerate her stupidity while still doing for her that which isn't necessary or that she is capable of doing for herself and for little or no thanks, that I didn't feel an ounce of obligation to tolerate it or subject myself to her ignorance any longer!

    I then stormed off to my car (leaving my dad to deal with her, btw.)

    Now, all this hatred from a person who expresses sadness over her perceived lack of my salvation because I seldom say grace before meals!
    (My faith places no REQUIREMENTS on me to verbalize the gratutide that is in my heart. Instead simply requiring of me a heart that IS truely greatful for life's blessings.)

    Well, it wasn't quite your "fing idiot" statement, Jeff, but I assure you, my feelings were much the same.
    And I'm glad I'm not a violent person & know that "slapping some sense into" someone is surely an oxymoron, because there was a very large part of me that BADLY WANTED to strike her.
    But now, although I've since apologized to my dad, I still have a good degree of guilt for leaving he and his easily agitated wife (who HAVE BEEN, for the largest part, "dealing with her" since April) there to be the ones left to tolerate her stupidity.

    It's so strange and often even a heart :'-( breaking thing, how folks raised exactly the same, or with similar enough backgrounds, can be so very different in their attitudes.

    IRM family, my heart has been very heavy because of this incident.
    I just didn't feel like putting this out there to family or friends, who might feel temptation to confront my sister.
    So thank you all for allowing me to get this off my chest.
    Sama451
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2005 at 10:22 PM


    I thank God that my family is not hung up on Color... Well how could they be.. My Grand Father who was Mexican Married a Japanese woman during WWII and My Irish/Cherokee Grand Mother married an Apache man... Even after talking to my Japanese Family (Whos males were members of the Emperors Imperial Guard) I found that they were not so accepting at first but learned to accept the fact that my Grandmother and two of her Cousins married Minority Soldiers...

    I respect my familiy's opinion, but if your family based their judgment soley on the ethnicity of that person then they are SHALLOW. Not all families are so accepting as mine. I have been in relationships where the parents Loved me as a person but I was not INDIAN (from India) and that meant I was totally wrong for their daughter. I don't want to cause problems between a person and their family but if SHe wants to stay together I will go the distance. Put up with all the crap and be there to argue our case right along side her.

    I have never run into a case where her family was just out right RUDE... I would expect her to stand up for me and not be ashamed... If she is ashamed and refuses to stand up for me then it has to end.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2005 at 08:48 PM


    When I married my Ex my family had a cow! How could I do such a thing- Then I had a baby- What kind of life would he have? He has a wonderful life filled with diverity and love - I sent some time away from them- and even today if they start- I stop them- We can not choose who we are attracted to- I like tall dark men- I do agree my family and I are closer today than ever because of it.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 22, 2005 at 07:58 PM


    It passes. If they cant accept it, how can you accept them?
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 14, 2005 at 06:52 PM


    My ex-wife is Mexican and my father never had a problem with it at all. I still hear the Mexican crap from my mother and brother from time to time and I make it clear that they by talking that trash they have insulted me and my children. I stand my ground firmly.

    I have only dated a handful of white women in my 20+ years or so of dating. I dated a couple black girls in high school, have dated several hispanic women and a couple asian women. I see a person not race and some people can't seem to see through that. It is ignorant.

    My dating women of color is a choice of personal taste. I am more attracted to women of color than I am caucasian women. People tend to think that means I dislike caucasian women and it has nothing to do with that at all... they just don't get it. But then they don't need to.. it is my choice and none of their business. I'm an adult and can make my own choices. If they disown me, then so be it... I'm not going to make different choices because of some ignorant ultimatum. How could I be happy being forced into choosing what my family wants over what I want (and need)? If they truly love me and truly care then they will accept and respect my choices, plain and simple.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 10, 2005 at 08:19 AM



    scafutti write:
    On my part it was pure stubbornness starting in highschool. My mom said..."she's beautiful, just don't marry her" and that got it started. Even though I didn't marry that girl, mom eventually gained some respect for her boy's backbone and I never had any more problems.....with family anyway.



    I wish I would have been more like you and would have stuck with my ideals... don't know if I would be in the same situation but at least I would have enjoyed the journey. I learned my lesson well!
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2005 at 07:28 PM


    On my part it was pure stubbornness starting in highschool. My mom said..."she's beautiful, just don't marry her" and that got it started. Even though I didn't marry that girl, mom eventually gained some respect for her boy's backbone and I never had any more problems.....with family anyway.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 19, 2005 at 07:14 PM


    I have caught a lot of flack.

    Mostly from my brothers.

    Personally, I had to come to the conclusion that I am not a rich heiress with a "chosen" mate.

    It requires a lot of maturity on you to not hold back from speaking your peace. Know why you are interested and make sure it is not superficial.

    And then do what you want.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 12, 2005 at 04:41 PM


    Its not the race, its the person and their preference....

    Beautifully and simply stated. I see it in exactly the same manner.
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