Interracial Blogs > Spicysweet101's blogs > IR Double Standards of Some Black Men and White Women
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Posted on Sat, May 13, 2006 09:06 AM

Though relationships between black men and white women were considered very taboo at one point, due to blk men and wht women asserting their right to be together, such couple are pretty mainstream now eventhough spotlight has always been put on the black women's anger and the white men's displeasure over bm/ww couples. Now that more white men and black women are dating and marrying I am seeing the same angry and disapproving reactions coming from black men and white women when they come across wm/bw couples. Though some bm and ww try to be low key about it. I and my my date usually get shocked or evil stares coming from white women and we have gotten dirty looks and a few rude (under their breath) comments from black men. Several of these black men and white women where in or had been in interracial relationships themselves and I sure they didn't appreciate the disapproving glares or ugly remarks from others so why when the shoe is on the other foot, do the same thing to black women and white men who are together?

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Posted on Sun, Nov 18, 2007 09:09 PM

Me and the wife haven't had any bad reactions yet. You're right about bm/ww being more commonplace, and people's perception of that. We were at church a couple of weeks ago, and sat in front of another interracial couple. Apparently my wife didn't even notice them. I mentioned them later to her. When I said something about the interracial couple behind us, she thought I was talking about another wm/bw couple. When I told her it was the other way around, she said something like, "Oh, that's nothing special."

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Posted on Wed, Oct 10, 2007 09:50 PM

]quote[Though relationships between black men and white women were considered very taboo at one point, due to blk men and wht women asserting their right to be together, such couple are pretty mainstream now]quote[ and they still are at many points... and the mainstream may be debatable to many... HOWEVER it may be arguably acceptable that putting differences together, albeit, race, skin colour, ethnicity, height, weight, ad nauseum...there will always be a notice of differences, if not open commentary or demonstration of pleasure/displeasure... one rationale of that could very well be the fear factor, fear of change, a threat to stability or even as far fetched as 'they're doing something i always wanted to do, but was afraid to do it. i can't even look at them. how dare they?'

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Posted on Mon, Oct 01, 2007 07:45 PM

I do believe I have come close to solving this mystery... I have been on this sight since 9/6/07 and read blogs at every opportunity. Just sharing a commonality and getting answer to questions I never thought of asking, but would really like to know is worth the tuition. I must admit SpicySweet101, you have hit the nail directly on the head with this one! I am 46 and have never dated inside my race. I have, on many occasions, observed the hostility of B/M and W/F. Not in my history, (I have lived in Nevada, Alaska, and currently California) have I had that type of reception from B/F or W/M while in the company of someone I am with. I find it fascinating to know that this happens visa/versa with W/F who date B/M. When I see that combination I have always thought to myself, I am not alone. It is an odd and sick human behavior! However, I think I have solved the mystery as to why this occurs. When I turned 40 and found myself alone with two children, I was a bitter wreck. I was downtown and observed a romantic encounter with a much older man (approx. my age) and what appeared to be a 21 year old (I say 21 because she had a drink in her hand). I thought to myself, "That is sick! He should be with someone his own age!" A few years later, when I had become extremely content with myself and my situation. A close friend met a man 15 years her senior and asked me how I felt about it. As I was conveying how wonderful I thought he was for her (they are now married), I had a flashback to how I felt about the May/December relationship when I was unhappy and old to boot! Bad combination! LOL! There in lies the answer.. The givers of hostility (even silently) need to look within themselves to see what's not right with their own lives and the receiver of hostility need to take into consideration that these people are pathetic and very unhappy with life in general. Bottom line: don't take it personal. Sorry for the typo's my spell check isn't working :o)

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Posted on Mon, Aug 07, 2006 12:37 PM

I agree with you Spicysweet. I get the same reaction from bm/wm. I work with mostly wm and most of them are either married to or in a relationship with bm. I am cool with that. When they found about about me dating wm.....EVERYTHING CHANGED.

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Posted on Sun, Aug 06, 2006 09:01 PM

I've been dating black men since I was 16, married twice to black men. I've been through and seen alot. When I was first married, I used to have to go apartment hunting alone so we could find a place to live. They wouldn't rent to an interracial couple. I got spit on from the second floor in a mall, called N____lover many times. I am still asked if the reason I love black men is because of the size of their d*&k. Anyway, one thing that I have always done, is to stand up, be me, and remain true to myself. My life is my own, and if I'm not happy with it, no one will be. I raised my children, am well educated, love life...and my choice in partners had nothing to do with it. I got where I am because of who I am, not because someone didn't like my choices. I can remember when a black woman didn't like who I dated, I remember when a black man didn't like who I dated. My best friend decided she didn't want to be my best friend when I married my black husband. Years later, she apologized..... Very sad...this thing called prejudice.

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Posted on Sun, Aug 06, 2006 12:11 PM

I share your sentiment, Samantha. And whenever I see some jerks staring angrily at some inter-racial couple, I stare contemptuously at them, to see if I make them feel like the worms they are. Now, if only more people were willing to go inter-racial with South American Native Americans, the world would be perfect.

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Posted on Sun, Aug 06, 2006 07:23 AM

You should not miss out on what you want. I did and regret it. I dated several black men when I was younger but due to social pressure married a white man. I regret it and am not in a happy marriage now.

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Posted on Wed, Jun 14, 2006 03:26 PM

Everyone is entitled to their opinion...pro or con...in regards to an interracial couple. However, it is only what the couple thinks that matters and not to allow other folks try to divide their union.

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Posted on Wed, Jun 14, 2006 01:54 PM

In life it is a must to do what makes you happy. When my family said choose, I did, I chose to be happy!! I stayed true to me! My family's prayers that I would stop dating bm became my answered prayers that they would know it's truly the person inside the skin. Who knew!?! People need to stop with labels, who cares, if you bleed red, ur good to go!!!!

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Posted on Wed, Jun 14, 2006 11:11 AM

Hi Spicysweet, Well if I love someone I don't care what other people say. Living in foreign country (I am originally from Russia and live in Hungary for 20 years) I experience dislike of Hungarian people but only of those who didn't know me. My co-workers, my neighbours never hate me because I am Russian. I wold like to have friends among black people not only among gentlemen but among ladies as well. Would you like to be my friend? Olga

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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 10:24 AM

Hi Johnbreeze It is just I think bm and ww like that, has a lot of nerve.

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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 10:22 AM

Though everyone is a individual, certain traits, attitudes and personalities are interwinded with race. We can not expect them to flirt or come on to us as some black men do. I think that black women and white men need better lines of communication

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Posted on Sat, May 27, 2006 09:33 PM

have you all thought about moving up here? it's not so bad once you get used to the cold. LOL. i have only ever dated white women, and have never heard any verbal slurs or such. i have never been in any fights either because of who i date. i'm not saying we have the garden of eden here. because i have listened to conversations and hear how the other side talk of they're taking all our men/women etc.. we are a lot more tolerant and respectful of people's choices here. all the best to all of you errol

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Posted on Tue, May 23, 2006 09:11 PM

Hello Delicious Lips, I want to tell not to give up on what makes you happy for the sake of others. They have their own lives and have no right to dictate to you on how you should live. I have learn this lesson late and have been through several painful relationships because I put the wishes of other people above the my own which in my should have been the most important.

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Posted on Tue, May 23, 2006 02:47 PM

Who cares what other people think? Most are acting out of jealousy. If it feels right, do it ! Down here in Gainesville Florida I see alot of blk women and white men and I think it's great ! As long as your both happy is all that matters, even if you're green with polka dots.

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Posted on Tue, May 23, 2006 02:37 PM

Spicysweet- I completely identify with what you posted. I live in the deep South, where interracial dating is almost unheard of. When it does occur it will be bm/ww. My own parents disapprove of my interracial dating, for fear that those that disapprove would do harm to me. I must admit that there have been instances where I was verbally and almost physically accosted, by my own race are to my dating choice. Now that I think about it, I am this close to giving up on white men completely.

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Posted on Mon, May 22, 2006 06:24 AM

The lament of my life beautifully illustrated. Now what's even more irritating is the lack of White male population interested in dating interracially. If I could solve that I think I could maybe bring peace to the world! LOL!

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Posted on Mon, May 22, 2006 06:16 AM

I am very much interested in getting to know you Much Luv Samson

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Posted on Sun, May 21, 2006 11:07 AM

Hello Beigecandy I agree with you. You simply are attracted to the type of men that you are attracted to and no explaination of why is necessary. For too long I spent my life putting the wishes and opinions of other people before my own and have wined up in some horrible situations trying to fit into the mold that family/friend/society fashioned for me as a black woman. It took me several years to learn to live for myself and to do what me happy. Now like yourself, I have come to terms with the fact that I am only attracted to white men, Spainish and some Asian men and those are the only kind of men I date or wish to date.

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