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Is bad sex a deal breaker for either sex? Sort by:
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Posted on Sun, Jun 14, 2015 08:03 PM

I believe bad sex is a deal breaker if the problem cannot be resolved... First and foremost, quality is always better than quanity. Look at how many marriages break up. Sex is to blame most of the time. He cheats / she cheats, but there is always a reason. Imcompatibility... Or they just split because they grow apart...  But why do people grow apart? Some never cheated but just grew apart. Why? Because somewhere the Quality in the sex became not as good as it once was. or became lacking in the relationship. Part of being in a strong relationship is having a healthy sex life for both male and female and thats one sure way of staying connected with your soulmate. I believe this and I will always believe this. Its part of  feeling like you are part of someone else to me...If you cannot connect on that level, whats the point in being with someone? 



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Posted on Thu, Apr 20, 2017 12:00 AM

I believe sex is often blamed for the problems in a relationship, when the fundamental issue is more often than not a lack of communication. Having been in relationships over the years, I have decided that if a couple cannot both emotionally connect or have different perspectives on what the problem is, then ultimately cracks will appear.

I was in a relationship with a man for many years who made out he was committed to me in every way and we felt very emotionally connected so sex was always great. Then I almost lost a family member,and during the following harrowing months and the subsequent stresses I found it hard to connect emotionally as i was so distraught. We continued to have sex but he could not relate emotionally or understand how to discuss it,therefore it distanced us and withinn a week he had started sleeping with someone else, which he then continued to do when we emotionally picked up. More disturbingly, he bent over backwards to make it work between us,saying we had so much together.I guessed something was up,guilt presents,more attentive in bed. Even when i asked him outright he denied it. The moral of the story, is that if a partner cannot for whatever connect emotionally as they did and does not have the capacity to communicate it, sex will eventually become collateral damage. I believe in my case he kept the other woman as a safety net, safeguarding his own emotions,which in turn led to denial. 



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Posted on Sat, Nov 12, 2016 02:20 PM

BAD SEX ??? Hmmmmm........not having LOVE and AFFECTION is a deal Breaker for me . Can't really be with a woman LONG-TERM that doesn't like to KISS.......CUDDLE........and be CLOSE and INTIMATE. Not into Touch me not types. I know some women have been molested and that is why they aren't into Intimacy.......but lack of Intimacy is most definitely a Turn-off to me.



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Posted on Sat, Nov 12, 2016 01:53 AM

Bad  sex i dont go with wowan bad in bed 😉



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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2016 12:31 PM

When i was in my 20's,i had no idea about the Difference in Good SEX and Love Making.Here i am this Strapping Mandigo with the Big Tool and a lot of Stamina,read my Kama Sutra,knew all the Positions,thought i had it made.Man was i wrong,the First Woman,i had Deep Feelings for in DC,when we got behind Closed Doors,She open my Eyes about the Emotional Intensity  between GOOD SEX and LOVE MAKING.And yes to answer the question,Bad Sex is a deal breaker,You can be Compatible in every thing else,but if Your not compatible there,You may as well be Platonic Friends.


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Posted on Wed, Mar 09, 2016 10:28 AM

So true

 



#facts

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Posted on Fri, Feb 26, 2016 05:03 PM

Considering the fact that none of us are born knowing how to have sex - I say everyone can re-learn. Everyone is different, so it's important to discuss likes and desires as adults, (I know some people are a bit shy - so pick a time to talk about making love that works for the both of you). For example, on a first date would not be a proper time in my opinion to discuss this topic. 

 

Having interest in your partner's personal likes and desires will pay off. Remember this is not your EX, and s/he will more than likely be totally different in what could be defined as pleasure or turn ons. Know 1st your own style of loving, then 2nd, learn your partners... first by talking about this. Partners trust each other enough to share their desires. Not being honest about what you want will lead to frustration, and how fair is it to blame your partner when you haven't honestly shared info?

 

When that time arrives, both men & women ought to be sensitive to the other, because sexual frustration falls both ways. Take your time. Practice! Practice! Practice! I mean we invest time towards knowing and learning other things about  our partners, why not invest in fine tuning the intimacy? It works! 



Dig Deeper And You Will Find You

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Posted on Sat, Jan 30, 2016 11:06 PM

Loved every word you said & absolutely agree!!! I believe sex is the most important part of a relationship, that rhythmic connection is a rare find, I have truly only found it once, a few real close, but when you do find it, you will know!!! 


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Posted on Sun, Jan 24, 2016 04:16 PM

When I was in school for my profession, and we took the course in couples counseling, the professor said that you only need to know two things in the initial evalution - the body language of the couple towards one another, and how they respond when you ask about their sex life.    Bad sex generally indicates a lack of communication and intimacy in every other level of the relationship.

I have certain needs when it comes to sex. I DO not and cannot respond to a "one size fits all" approach. Being able to get appropriate arousal out of me requires being IN TUNE with my rhythm, emotion, responses. If you are clueless, or unaware as to what is going on in those arenas, and only focused on your own needs and desires, and pushing your own agenda, I will be counting ceiling tiles and wishing you would leave - in no time.

Life is TOO SHORT to be faking because you cannot get your needs met. And trust me, I have not had any success in "teaching".  I have never been able to download, or instill, intuitive empathy, and sensitivity.  Either you have that, or you don't.  It is an enormous piece of the chemistry, how well you are in tune, and can read my responses.

To be DEAD honest, I have only had 5 men in my life who made me happy in the bedroom.  I married 3 of them. Those sexual relationships kept me continuously WANTING to go to bed with that man - 5,6,7 years into the relationship.  "Why did they end?" You ask?  One man died. One man committed adultery.  And one man discovered heroin.   The other two?  Apparently did not know how good we had it, and ended the relationship seeking greener pastures. Too bad.  I was not the one who wanted it to end.  HOWEVER, trust me, I have HAD enough men to know that those 5 were RARE, and that MOST others were epic failures in that area  - meaning, "Sorry, not even another chance mister".   Not trying to diss anyone here, but for me? I do not want to sign up for a lifetime of sex devoid of passion, that leaves me cold and angry.  Mr. Right MUST have it right, in that area.


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Posted on Sat, Nov 21, 2015 04:11 PM

there's no such thing as bad sex. If you didn't enjoy it but are compatible in other areas that matter, then guide your partner sexually. Show them how to make you feel good and ask them what they like. A little effort goes a long way and before you know it, the neighbors will know your name lol.

 

 



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Posted on Thu, Oct 15, 2015 11:19 PM

never gonna have this problem

 



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Posted on Sat, Jun 20, 2015 08:05 PM

Yes, you are correct. I am also a strong believer that Good communication is everything. It kinda wraps around the relationship dosen't it! If you cannot communicate effectively, you have nothing. With that said, for some reason half the people will not communicate in this world. Its not that they can't. Its because they choose to not to!

 

So lets figure this out and list whats important from the get go and walk through starting a great relationship. If anyone disagrees, by all means, correct me.

 

1) first: physical attraction. That is the most important thing when we are looking for someone to spend the rest of our lives with. If you cannot get physical attraction in someone, most of the time, you'll never make it any further. Its sad but true. We all need to be attracted to our potential mates, somehow. Perhaps this is our biggest pit~fall

 

2) Communication. You have to be able to communicate effectively and completely to grow and maintain a relationship. Good communication to me includes open, honest, trustworthy, respectful, etc,etc, The kind of person who's not afraid to talk about their feelings and also has an ear to listen! So I will not mention these things except here. If you have all the good traits, you usally do not have a problem communicating.

 

3)Sex. Sex is still separate from the first two above and comes in third for me. There may be other things that should be third instead of sex. But right now, its what comes to mind. When you have sex / make love with someone, its always so much better if you can feel as one. Its good mental stimulation just as good communication can be good mental stimulation, just different, very different but just as important.

 

No relationship is perfect in this world. I am guilty for liking physically attractive people, just as everyone is. And as much as I like physical attraction, I have to admit, I'd rather be with someone less attractive to have good communication and harmony. Perhaps it is age? Maturity? who knows... It may be that when most attractive people open their mouths and start talking, I realize they are not as attractive as I thought they were! 

 

Food for thought: 

 

1) 50% of marriages in the USA end in divorce.

 

    The other half end in death.

 

    So, Divorce is not that bad after all!

 

2) Do you know why divorce is so expensive?

 

    They're worth it!



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Posted on Sat, Jun 20, 2015 10:02 AM

You fellas make very valid points...

 

I'd like to think that when we're in love, or falling in love, we all want to please our partners. Men are excited by pleasing women in bed, while women are taught to satisfying their partner's non-sexual needs.

 

In a relationship, both aspects, sexual and non-sexual, should get an equal amount of attention from both people. The only way that I know to create this type of scenario is through (duh,duh,duh) communication. We should be discussing how we like our sex in the same manner that we discuss how we like our eggs. If you can't talk about the issue and work together to improve the situation, the sex isn't the real problem.

 

Bad sex isn't a deal breaker, it's an opportunity for improvement in our relationships and our bedrooms.



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Posted on Mon, Jun 15, 2015 03:26 PM

Yes, you do have some interesting points. I do not believe that sex is the most important part of a good relationship. I just feel that it can be a determining factor and therefor is important. I understand you when you say that love is above all. The reason I feel this way is because if I love someone the way I desire to love them, the sex will be good. It has a lot to do with how you feel on the inside about someone. If you cannot be pleased, most of the time its your fault and not who you are with. Its an inner question we have to ask ourselves. Rarely is there an issue with a woman, but it does happen and has happened with me. And I have to be honest, it just did not work out for numerous reasons. I think back on it and feel that if the sex was better, maybe we would still be together, maybe not. But the sex was just not where it should have been along with other things.

 

I have been on both sides of that fence. I have had girlfriends that I got along with fairly well but the sex just was not there... Maybe I did not feel the way I wanted or needed to feel about them or perhaps it was them that felt that way...and thus the sex was not as good as it could have been... So that would be my fault. Lesson learned.. But nothing ventured, nothing gained right? I have also been deep in love with a woman where the sex was not that great but the love I had for her, I did not care... It still did not work out. She wanted something more then me. Then I have had a girlfriend where the sex was the top of the charts, (second Black woman I ever dated) but outside the bedroom, we could not stand each other... We argued over the simplest of things and disagreed on everything. The sex was there but nothing else was. So good sex does not keep a relationship together either. There has to be a balance of it all. What I am saying: If you get along well with someone and the sex is good, there is a good chance the relationship will be stronger. If the sex is bad and everything else is good... Well, I guess its up to the individual to see how it will play out. There are many determining factors when it comes to sex and relationships and how we all feel about it. But I still believe that bad sex is not a good thing and needs to be fixed. Therefore good sex is important!

 

Every woman I have ever dated, black, white, etc... healthy sex has always been important to them. I have never met a woman that told me.. Hey" I don't care if sex is good or bad... Lets just be in love... Having great sex is part of being in love. If I am in love with someone, the sex has a good chance of being over the top!  But you also have to aknowledge making love is part of falling in love! How do you do that if the sex is just not there the first time or so? Ask them to keep having sex with you until you figure it out? I think not! But sometimes it can take a few times, because everyone needs to be comfortable with their mate before they can focus on the relationships needs. And sex is not the best way to jump right to it. Its always the worst. Early sex is a sexual based relationship. They do not work very long.

 

So I believe that healthy sex can make or break a relationship. It plays a vital role in growing and maintaining a healthy relationship. Therefore, it needs to at least be par with the course! You can work out the nicks later! :)

 

Here's the thing. If you don't think good sex is important. Post that in your profile and see how many hits you get.  Women will stay away from you like two opposing sides of a magnet! A woman is human too, they have feelings, wants and needs, a woman wants to feel her man inside and out, just how a man wants to feel his woman the same way! We all want to be a part of each other and feel like something greater! And good sex / love making is how it happens. Its the only way it happens on that level! Anything less is called settling. So how can bad sex be acceptible? I have to give the Black woman credit for helping me find myself when it comes to this subject.  They bring out the very best in me. I have passion that cannot be quinched, one in which I never had before. Call me black girl crazy..I guess... But I never knew I could ever possibly feel this way inside. Its great and I thank you all for it! Can't wait to meet and greet a new friend! You black women are so special... You just don't know what you are doing to the inside of us white men out here!

 

As far as Nuns and Priests: This is a bad subject to discuss with all the priests in the news during recent years. SO I prefer to leave this subject alone. We all know this one will turn south fast! 



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Posted on Mon, Jun 15, 2015 09:32 AM

Interesting perspective on this topic, Europa. I don't think bad sex would be a deal-breaker for me, if me and the woman that I was involved with were compatible in all other key areas of the relationship. Especially if she was a great person, and especially if she was someone that I really enjoyed being with otherwise. We have to remember that good people don't grow on trees.

 

Also, I have to ask, is [good] sex the key to one's overall happiness, and ultimately the key to a good relationship? I mean, there are some people who aren't having any sex at all, and I think that a very large number of these people are still happy. (Nuns and priests immediately come to mind.)

 

So if it's indeed possible for the human being to make peace with not having any sex, they why can't a human being make peace with having subpar sex, if he or she is getting the rest of their needs met, while being in a relationship with a good person that treats him or her good? 



If you don't stand for something, then you will fall for anything.

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