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Posted on Wed, Mar 11, 2015 11:32 PM

How to not settle for less in a relationship.   You’ve been single for a while, and since you really really want to be in a relationship, you start to bargain with yourself. You think, “Maybe I could just settle for someone I like just enough” instead of waiting for one who will truly make your heart floweth over. Well, here’s the sign I’d post in that puddle of pessimism: No settling allowed!! To make it clear why I don’t think you should settle for “eh” when it comes to a lifetime love partner, here are 10 reasons why settling works against you.    #1: …settling is a choice made from fear. Don’t choose a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone. Or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better. Or because you’re afraid you’re not good enough to attract someone who’s nuts about the real, true you. Be strong, not scared! You’re a tough cookie and you know you’re meant for more, so don’t let fear make decisions for you. Trust in the good life can bring you.   #2: … passion is like a hot pepper in a good soup. In other words, it changes in flavor, but it doesn’t diminish. If you choose a relationship with a passion and attraction to the whole person (not just their looks), the rewards of that emotional attraction can still be there decades later. But choose a relationship without that emotional passion? You could end up with a soup with no flavor at all.   #3: …friendship marriages are different than deep, romantic ones. Yes, some people can commit to an arranged marriage and still stay together for the long run. But it can take years to develop any emotional zing—if ever they do at all. Relationships can offer so much more than someone who cleans the toilet or puts gas in the car every other time. You can have more if you want it.   #4: …love isn’t a business contract! I read a quote from a woman who says she feels okay that she settled for her partner since marriage, after all, is like “a mundane non-profit business.” A mundane non-profit business? Goodness, what kind of marriage is that? Personally, I prefer to be alone than spend time with people who don’t speak in some way to my heart. Don’t you? Marriage or your big relationship should be the same way! Let your heart have a say.   #5: …When the novelty of coupledom wears off, you’re stuck with each other! All day. All night. All weekend. All the time. Watching not just your favorite shows but theirs. Withstanding not just their acceptable habits, but their annoying ones, too. Do you want to spend all your quality time with someone you wouldn’t give your high-quality stamp of approval?   #6: …settling is a sign you’re pessimistic about your future. It says you think you’ll never meet someone who adores you, who’s healthy and right for you, and who you love wholeheartedly in return. Be a dating optimist! If you want to feel happy, challenged, smart, pretty, safe and attracted to your partner, you can. You first have to believe the right partner is out there for you, and then begin asking for him or her to come rolling on into your life.   #7: …you deserve more! If you want to feel amazing about yourself and feed your healthy self-esteem, you should partner with a wonderful, respectable person you’re madly attracted to in some special way. Settling with someone you don’t respect and adore is a way of diminishing yourself. You deserve someone as great in heart and soul as you are.

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Posted on Sat, Feb 04, 2017 11:41 AM

Hi Beatifuljay, 

 

Your post is very interesting and inciteful. Settling seem to be a demeaning word when it comes to relationships. I have seen where people settle all the time, especially in other areas of their lives. I think settling can sometimes be out of fear which is irrational. But, I also think that if the expectation was too high initially then settling could mean compromising on a few things, and still be able to get what you want. For example, height, salary, weight... Of course, there will be non-negotiables, like violence, cheating (repeated),...

One person mentioned "deep passion". That's awesome! I would love to have that. But when all is said and done, each person will have to decide to what degree they will settle, especially those who have unrealistic ideas of how their partner should be. 

 

Thanks for for a stimulating and interesting post!


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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2016 11:34 AM

I agree with you, I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that doesn't spark a deep passion in me !


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Posted on Sat, Jul 30, 2016 07:01 AM

This is great, awesome and good for the soul. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. 



Always stay true to yourself.
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Posted on Tue, Aug 04, 2015 08:27 PM

Hello Beautifuljay,

Thank you for writing this. It's a great reminder to remain optimistic.  I love how you said that settling is a form of diminishing yourself.  I will reminder those powerful words.  God bless!!


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