For most of my life, I've always been attracted to white males, but since it was taboo in the South (I grew up in Arkansas) I never gave it a second thought.
I moved to Chicago for about six years and was approached a couple of times, but I was tongue tied and didn't know how to respond. I saw plenty of WM/BF relationships while living in Chicago. Now that I'm back in Arkansas, I've seen some WM/BF relationships here. I've only excusively dated BM, but I want to explore my options. I'm not going to lie, as much as I love my black men (I love my daddy who has been an inspiration to me), they tire me out and it takes too much work to be with them.
My question to black women on this site: What was your first experience like (with a WM)? Who approached who?
Well, I'm Native American but people think "black" so I'll respond to this one; as Native American growing up in California's "suburbia" I basically grew up "white" so approaching white men isn't an issue for me. That's who and what I am on the inside anyway. As a science major in college, whites and Asians were pretty much all I was around in my classes except for the campus American Indian Movement group.
As for "approaching white men," I find that usually they're the only thing I can have an intelligent conversation with about anything that interests me. Since I grew up sharing the same interests, lifestyle, culture, and goals (college-prep) as what minorities call "white" - I find that my only major problem is that THEY tend not to believe until months after getting to know me that I really have anything in common with them. My problem is that THEY tend not to see me as having anything in common with them until way later on in the conversation or the relationship (unless I'm wearing my Yale Graduate School of Science and Engineering t-shirt everywhere I go!) - although I must admit that in my advancing age I'm getting more and more impatient about how long it's taking for the kind of guys I like and deserve, to see that I'm "one of them," again quoting "West Side Story."
My only real problem with this issue is that when I finally do get through to the white men then I have problems fending off the Black ones who see this and get resentful of who I'm with and sometimes I've had to have the white guy defend me against that.
I was engaged to an Italian-American guy briefly. I kept having to tell him that he'd have to beat the Black ones off me on a regular basis. We met at the Unemployment office where both of us were on the computers looking for a job. I think I started the conversation, he actually joined in, and I told him he must not be a native Bostonian because he was still talking to me.
I recentlty turned 20 and all my boyfriends have been. I am attracted to blackmen but none are available where I am and if they are they prefer the other black girls. Im preppy nad went to private school ao thtas all I really know.....
Good ideas and opinions on this one. WM tend to be different in a lot of ways and that old BM myth is SOOOOOOOO untrue. It's nice to do things that are outside of your "comfort" zone (such as horse back riding, skiing, hiking, etc.). I get the ugly looks and comments from BMs which is irritating to me. Am I suppose to wait my whole life for them to get a clue or sit at home wishing that they will pick me? I don't think so.
Most of my experiences have been good. I've dated WM since I was in high school (1975). The thing to remember is that there's good and bad in all ethnic groups. Love (and chemistry) knows no color. Some came into my life for a while and the times were good and other came and are still friends. The relationship is what YOU and your mate make it.
Great topic. Great comments, dating WM is a liberating experience for BF. I definitely have found what Anonomos said to be puzzling though, the disappearing act. In the beginning dating stage, when they don't like something or there is some misunderstanding instead of telling you they just leave. That only makes it more puzzling, because you may not know what happened. So with that said, WM and BF can have great relationships.
I have always been an "equal-opportunity" dater before I got married and after my divorce. I happen to marry a black male but like having options. Without overly generalizing, I find most white men of my age more open to new and different experiences. And I have eclectic taste: plays, salsa, skiing, museums,etc. I would encourage you to date soeone becuase you enjoy being with them not what colr they are. Good luck
I've been dating WM exclusively for about 13-14 yrs. now....and yes WM can be more attentive and passionate. I lived with a WM for 6 yrs. (our breakup had nothing to do with race) and I have to say he opened my eyes to a few things I really now enjoy...the outdoors (activity wise) for example, hiking, backpacking & camping...lol.
Starting here on this site is a good beginning; chatting with a few WM's and getting their insight and what they are looking for in a BW.
My experiences with WM have been mixed. On dates they can be very attentive and very much the gentlemen. They can be manly, I mean they tend to be independent and take care of their business. They aren't looking for a woman to take care of them, i.e. pamper them, pay their bills and treat them like babies. I like this quality. However, they can be passive agressive and you don't always know what he feels about you. They tend to just disappear when not interested instead of actually being upfront about how he feels.
Some White men are curious and only in it for the experience which can be frustrating and a total waste of time. But the great thing about White men is that there are so many of them available and eligible. So I say carefully vet any guy you go out with and don't bring your emotions into the relationship before you get a chance to know he's what you really want and need in your life.
I say go for it. I have had wonderful experiences with WM. I am currently in a LTR with a WM and it has been wonderful. He is the nicest man I have ever met and he makes my life complete. I am very at ease with him. Our families get a long great also. His mother and I are very close.