A couple of Fridays ago I wrote about those moments right before I fall asleep that scare me and bring up the loneliness of being newly-divorced. The responses were many and broke down into four categories.

1. Get a dog (or cat or something else with a pulse that doesn't back-sass).
2. Smoke pot, take herbs, listen to white noise.
3. Avoid pills at all costs, particularly Ambien. (oops, my favorite!)
4. Stop your whining and go to sleep already!

It's number four that particularly interested me because most of the people who thought I was a big fat baby were married women (and some men) who no longer sleep with their spouses. Most of my friends and acquaintances follow my blogs, which is usually great, but occasionally humiliating (I think they've organized a phone tree to make sure I don't kill myself between the hours of 10 p.m. and 2 p.m. because of that last blog. (Just kidding again, you guys!) In the ensuing couple of weeks since that post on sleeping single they have been coming up to me and phoning and emailing me about their own experiences.

While I may be wondering who might share my bed in the future, a stunning number of my peers are hoping they never have to share their bed again, at least not with their spouse. I was so surprised to learn that many long-married couples don't share a bed, that I've been working on some theories why it is so much more common than I'd ever known (and I make it my business to know such things!).

One of the first people I queried was my 77-year-old mother, who has lived without a man in her bed for so long now that she has forgotten how she first met my brother and me. "They hate sex!" she shouted back at me. I was stunned by her vehemence about something she'd not seemed to have an opinion of one way or the other for four decades. Still, sex was the first thing that seemed at issue to me, too. So I wondered if separate beds were a statement that the mates no longer wanted to do it.

Still, any teenager knows that people don't need to sleep together to, well, sleep together. You don't even need a bed, or to be lying down for that matter, so perhaps this wasn't the determinative factor. Then again, sleeping apart does make coupling much more inconvenient and rarely spontaneous. Look, I'm not unfamiliar with the effects of time on romance, having been with one mate for nearly 30 years, but at least when couples share a bed the odds of rolling into each other are greatly increased.

Another issue that came up with surprising frequency was temperature. Several people complained that they couldn't sleep because their mate kept the room too hot/cold. This varied depending on whether the women suffered from internal fracas of perimenopause or the men traditionally burned hotter than their mates. So, sometimes it's age-related, but often not.

That leads us to snoring -- usually men's snoring, but not exclusively. This is the most common motivation for sleeping apart, but not by as much as I would have thought. The wheezing and gasping does seem to increase with age, but also with getting fatter. And since getting fat is an equal opportunity pastime, it can strike men and women and at any time in the relationship. And if either of the partners is turned off by fat, then we're back to, "They hate sex!"-- at least with that mate.

Since I'm not aware of anything like Sudden Onset Snoring, I've got to assume that this is a gradual process that is accepted for a certain amount of time before becoming a crisis. So when does someone wake up one day and move out of the family bed?

The people I've talked to who sleep apart, generally do it when a bed becomes available, a system employed by hospitals and rehab clinics. I'm suggesting that most people who look for a quieter, warmer, colder, lighter, darker or less intimate place to sleep find it in late August, after a kid has left for college. As the kids move out one by one, it's simply opportunity-meeting-reality for many couples. Just think how many marriages higher education is saving -- it almost makes tuition bearable if you amortize part of it as that spouse's "rent."

It doesn't take Virginia Woolf to tell me that lots of people are seeking a room of one's own, and that's rarely possible, or even attractive, during the family-building years of our lives, unless one has a nice guestroom. I have maintained for years that the secret to marriage was separate bathrooms, but if the secret is also separate bedrooms, maybe everyone who called me a whiner is right. I must be the luckiest woman in town because what everyone really wants eventually is to be neighbors with their beloved mates.

Any experiences with any types of the problems below?

Protect Yourself Against Online Relationship Scams
by Joe Tracy, Publisher

Searching for romance over the Internet has become more and more popular over the years.  Online dating is nearly a billion dollar industry and scammers are cashing in on the trend, taking advantage of unsuspecting men and women. 

Every day, scammers target hundreds of online daters, and many have fallen prey to scams that cost online daters, on average, of more than $3,000. They do it by posing as women overseas and send you a note through an online dating service. They pretend to be interested in you and provide their "email address" so that you can continue communicating offline.

Scammers use email to try and build an online relationship with you and they eventually profess their love. Once you do too, the scam kicks into high gear. An "emergency" (mother hospitalized, surgery needed) suddenly arises and they ask for money. Or they say they want to meet you, but need money to apply for a VISA to come see you. Little does the victim know that he's talking to professional con artists and has likely been communicating with another man, not a woman! The scams can get quite complex, including men hiring a girl to call you and pose as your online love interest.

You can avoid being a victim of online relationship scams by taking note of these warning signs:

Being Asked for Money
This is the most telltale sign of a scam.  No matter what you think or what other people might say, it just isn’t a normal behavior to ask for money if you've never met someone in person.  Scammers are quite creative – they will ask you to help with airfare so they can come and visit, cash a check, help out with an emergency for you to send a money order and so on. Some will ask for money fairly quick and others will show patience while trying to build a relationship with you, getting you to fall for the imaginary person in the profile they set up.

Initiating First Contact
Scammers virtually always are the first to initiate contact with you. If you get an email (or wink) from someone overseas, it's best not to respond.

Wanting to Communicate via Email
An online scammer will want to take your communications to email as soon as possible because they know their profile may soon be deleted when an online dating service notices their pattern of emailing people. So many times in the very first or second email they will give you an email address and ask you to email them.

Fake Pictures
Some scammers will cut or scan photos from magazines.  Trust your instincts.  If you feel the photo is suspicious, chances are it’s probably a fake. But that's not always the case, as many scammers will actually steal someone else's photo and post it. Photos are usually of a very beautiful woman. Don't fall for it.

Unwillingness to Share Information
The person you are talking to showers you with attention and he seems to be overly interested in everything about you, yet doesn’t share a lot of information about themselves.  If they are avoiding your questions like a seasoned politician, then run.. 

Messages Vary
If you are exchanging emails with someone overseas, watch out for inconsistencies like a variation in the style of the email, language differences, repetitive statements, etc.. The scammer who initiated the communication with you may not always be the same one that carries it through. If something doesn't seem right about the emails you are receiving, then its not right.

Besides looking out for red flags you can take other measures to further protect yourself:

1) Be the one always initiating communication via online dating services.

2) Guard your privacy.

3) Communicate with people locally, not overseas.

4) Trust your gut instinct from the start.

5) Never reply to communications from someone who sends you a note and immediately includes their email address for you to continue the communication.

Many people have fallen prey to online relationship scams. In one case, two men showed up at the same airport to meet a girl from overseas that they had sent money to for her "flight". Both were left holding flowers at the airport staring at each other. They had apparently been duped by the same scammer.